Synopsis: The perils of failing to resolve penetrating issues at their root cause...
...Following on from my 40th Birthday Celebrations a month ago (see "A Celebration of Life"), this week I have another reason to celebrate as theSarayiahpost.com moves into the top 500k sites in the world as ranked by Alexa - the web information company which monitors traffic for websites in the world’s top 30m. It is also now in the top 5k websites for London and almost in the top 15k websites for the UK as a whole. This is just 7 months after its launch.
Yet instead of jumping for joy at what I consider is a another milestone in the short history of my blog - just as moving into the top 1m websites in Nov 2011 was (see "Feel The Love"), I have been rather melancholy – depressed even. This is despite the overwhelming feedback I get for my site to be extremely positive in nature and I have been told that I am helping and inspiring others, which is one of the aims of theSarayiahpost.com and an amazing thing. But despite this, I still can’t shake a general form of malaise. In fact, my mum commented to my sister Pamela that I looked really sad when I went to visit her in hospital on Monday evening, as she recovers from her spine tingling “knee replacement” surgery (see "A Mother’s Love").
I think there are several reasons why I am feeling like this, but the major one is that the journey which led me to creating this blog is incredibly distressing and heart breaking, as the relationship between me and the beautifully special Modern Day Maria spiralled into the abyss (see "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?"). An “always great” relationship detonated because of deep rooted issues on love that have never been resolved and which brought me inches from losing my life on several occasions. Maria intervened to save my life on one of those occasions in June 2010 and a beautiful Angel with the face of Maria on another (see "I Believe In Angels") until she finally put paid to our joint crisis in May 2011. I have never cried so much both on the inside and out and I still shed a few tears every now and again (such as this morning ).
I think the worst thing you can do when you have experienced a deep trauma and come out of the other side is to try and pretend it never happened. In other words, to bottle it up into a ball of emotions and feelings and try to displace it to a part in your body where it will be forgotten until time reruns the Ice Age, which I suspect is what the lovely Modern Day Maria is trying to do and many people mistakenly do that. All that does is provide you with a temporary and (very) false sense of accord, which will lead to further headaches down the road, as if you don’t deal with a problem at the root cause it will always (in my opinion) and 99.9% of the time - come back and haunt you; Next time you may crash harder and this time there may not be an ejector seat (as in the pic above) or a beautiful Angel to save you (and Angels come in many forms!). Sometimes of course, the root cause cannot be dealt with (say for example if the other party/parties involved are no longer with us), is a situation beyond your control or is extremely difficult to deal with due to reasons such as described in my article, "A Mother’s Love"; Or sometimes - and as described in my Valentine’s Day article on True Love, “The Lonely Goatherd” - a tremendous opportunity arises from the tragic events of the past that will allow what was not solvable before due to its deep rooted and painful nature to now be readily solvable and, in mine and Maria’s situation, all it needs is for our paths to adjoin once again and this time we will be bonded with Superglue – I know as I am buying it by the truckload in anticipation!
Yet despite everything we went through, I believe it was destiny and sometimes life throws heartrending events at us to test us and to help shape us and prepare for the next step in our evolution, which can lead to far greater positives in the future and in this case - fingers and toes crossed – our blissful reunion. This blog may be one step in the process of that evolution and if you are reading this estranged Maria , it would be wonderful to share this experience with you and, as you will see if you click on the “My Posts” link which then categorises the articles I have written, there is a “Guest Writer’s” position which has yet to be filled!
Now I have put my thoughts down on internet paper, I have cheered myself up - at least for the now - and so with that I look forward to where this blog will lead me and us maybe/ even and if there are any companies that may be interested in sponsoring this blog then please get in contact, as I am now looking for a GLOBAL sponsor that will help take this to the next level. Maybe with my sponsorship monies I can hire a helicopter with a “theSarayiahpost.com” banner to circle over a certain high end furniture store in SW London to help promote my site and the LOVE it radiates x.
That aside, saying sorry is often described as the most difficult act in the world, as to do so it means you have to have to open up and acknowledge your mistake, dealing with those emotions and feelings that may have been buried deep in your nether regions and supposedly - depending on the gravity of that mistake - the harder it is to atone for and the longer you leave it the harder it becomes. But once that step is taken it is cathartic for everyone involved and can heal in ways that no medicine, therapy or even Carlsberg can (if they did healing :-)). You feel better, they feel better – it is a win–win situation and the trauma lived is hopefully neutralised at the root.
Life is the most precious thing and it is tough and short enough as it is without us adding to the mix and our own unhappiness so shouldn’t we do everything we can to help others and ourselves to feel Alive and Truly Happy?
Ps. Coming soon will be my exclusive and in depth interview with performance artist and singer, ‘Countess’ Alex Zapak.
[Also read Isaac's latest post, "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of theSarayiahpost.com's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy," "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games" Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love and, "The Naked Countess - Interview Inclusive"]