My Posts: Psychiatry & Psychology Archives -

Recently in Psychiatry & Psychology Category

Fiona cropped.jpgPicture of a beautiful rose - Ms Fiona from HR

Synopsis: A Champagne and Rolex Affair...

...Valentine’s Day this year was to prove a day that is never to be forgotten; a day of both monumental developments and news and yet also of great sadness.  Shortly after the publication of my raunchy article, “Sex on Fire,” I was to hear from Modern Day Maria – directly by email all the way from Martinique!

Now I realise I spawned this blog to help bring her back into my life and I have been very open about what happened in the past between us and how that was to affect my life etc.  Yet I am uncomfortable discussing what I consider to be private conversations between her and me.  However, at the same time, I think our readership would like to know that finally after more than 4 years of waiting – she does finally get in contact and one of the things she did say was she never meant to hurt me.  It was her way of apologising for her harrowing decisions and actions of the past which brought me to the brink of my life (see "I believe in Angels" and "Suicide Blonde").  At times, Modern Day Maria will speak in riddles and even though she will stubbornly deny this – it is true and - as I have told her in the past - she has, “a complex way of thinking!”  Fortunately, I can decipher her words and actions and what she really means! (see "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?")

Naturally the effect on me from hearing from her was always going to be emotional, but I didn’t blink an eyelid when I saw her emails and it was just like we were corresponding 4 years back and the special energy between us literally jumps off the page.

I was in jubilation at having heard from her. Having waited so long and standing up for her against everyone including the eminent psychiatrist Dr Adrian Lord and my family and friends throughout the most difficult time in my life – for me to be finally proven to be right is a remarkable event.  And for all this to be happening on Valentine’s Day when she is 4000 miles away and allegedly happy with someone else is even more remarkable, but given our timeline so far I suppose when she finally did make contact it had to be something spectacular and I am sure there is a blockbuster movie with our story once we are together again!

But this was a Valentine’s Day of 2 halves and on this day, I devastatingly was to hurt someone who had become very precious to me - the person I alluded to briefly in my last article, as ‘very wise and clever.’  She is Fiona from HR (or 'HR Extraordinaire,' as she would have us believe)  and she had become an intrinsic part of my life since we met in October 2013.  We had met off a dating website and hit it off literally straight away.  Our first date was at London Bridge Station on a Thursday evening in mid-October and in between the 5 minute walk it took to get to the luxurious bar at the Hilton Hotel, London Bridge where our destiny was going to be mapped out - we were already holding hands and once in the bar, kissing and ordering champagne (her favourite tipple, as I was to find out!).  I told her about what happened to me and Maria in detail and how I felt about her and she was very understanding.  I am naturally honest and if I was to enter into a relationship with another person then it was important for that person to know everything so they could make an informed decision about whether they wanted to get involved with me.

Fiona 'HR Extraordinaire' (or Fi, as I and those closest to her affectionately call her) is - and should come as no surprise - a HR (Human Resources) professional in her early fifties. She is a beautiful, athletically toned, talented, adorable person who dresses as sexily as her incredible smile which lightens up her pale slightly freckled complexion, as if she is being blessed from above.  And just being with her, kissing her and holding her silky smooth hands with illicit coloured nail varnish was, as if a beautiful red rose was kissing my heart and helping it heal.

It was a breath of fresh air being with Fiona and I felt a deep companionship that I hadn’t felt for years and, as we became more and more intimate that evening and our kisses more and more prolonged and passionate, it was clear we really liked each other and there was something special transpiring.

Fiona was recently divorced from a 15 year marriage, which sadly had been an emotional and physically abusive relationship and she finally took the courageous decision to end things.  Of course there were times during this relationship and subsequently afterwards when she had been very depressed and suicidal and I feel so much compassion for her and her pain and I wish, in many respects, I had got to know her before so that I may have been able to help her sooner.

It takes a great deal of courage to be able to break free from a relationship like this after such a long time, as you lose all sense of identity, your self-esteem and who you really are and become a puppet for the other person in many respects.  I am so grateful that finally after such a long time of pain and heartache she came into my life.

Rapidly exploring each other’s bodies that evening, later on we spontaneously booked a room at the hotel and made love throughout the night.  I had always wanted to stay at this Hilton having discovered it many years ago when I was invited to its lavish launch party where they had the world renowned, “Blue Man Group,” perform.  Fiona suggested that I tried to haggle the exorbitant price of a double room down, which I managed to do successfully as well as getting breakfast thrown in for free.  We stayed and in the morning I made sure to pocket the luxury toiletries, the half bottle of red wine and bottles of Hilton mineral water which were waiting for us in our room on entry!

We indulged in a lovely breakfast together before Fi had to return home, as she had a man coming to fix her hot tub(!) and she was going to be late.  She had earlier lied to him on the phone saying her mother was ill and she had gone to see her.  I scolded her for lying.  But being in a rush and whilst I had gone to the lavatory - she went to check out at reception and to pay her half of the bill, but couldn’t remember my name for my portion of the bill.  All she could remember was my first name and that my second name began with ‘S’ so when I joined her at the reception Fi was blushing profusely in front of the man behind the desk and he was trying to remain professional as he fought to hide his smile for it was obvious what had occurred between us that night.

This was to be the start of the happiest time in my life for 4 years since Maria and I had parted company. It was the start of a marvellous relationship and one where we became very close and very close very quickly and I spent a lot of time at her home and met her elder son and daughter.

At the time she lived in an electronically gated 5 bedroom mansion in the picturesque village of Chislehurst fittingly called, “The Roses.”  This was her home where she shared with her 3 children even though the youngest of the 3 was at boarding school and I was to initially meet the 2 elder children.  It also transpired that on the day we met, Fiona lost her Rolex watch and couldn’t find it and so she had gone out and bought a brand new one at a cost of £6000 – as you do!  It also transpired that Fiona wasn’t joking when she told me she loved champagne and there were always bottles of fizz in her fridge ready to be opened seemingly for any occasion!

Fiona has a very high sex drive like myself and is a fantastic cook (a skill which eludes Modern Day Maria!) and desires to marry either a Spanish millionaire or hopes one day the chef James Martin will notice her.   Yet, surprisingly, this all went down very well with me!  Fi had other talents also which I was to find out throughout the course of the relationship.

When out for dinner and drinks, she shared my love of chicken and annoyingly also my starter or dessert; or she would cook for us with me trying to help, but more than likely being a hindrance.  We would make love aplenty with either a glass of champagne or wine by the bedside and just have a truly fabulous time together.  And when together, her face and body were glowing and indeed people started commenting on how radiant she was looking, which of course I was taking full credit for!

In December, she downsized and moved to Bromley, as she had to sell the mansion as part of the divorce settlement and her new home has a garden so big that it inspired my Xmas article, “A Giraffe is not just for XMAS.”  She gave me great encouragement in writing this article, as I wasn’t planning on writing anything, but sadly she has not yet taken up my advice to buy a giraffe!  Her new home may also spookily be inhabited by a poltergeist who I blame for tripping me and spilling red wine all over the carpet on the stairs, as I rushed to have a glass for her by her bedside before she came home from work one evening!  But poltergeist aside, Fiona is delighted with her new abode and I went about resetting her clocks.

The next few months our ever increasing bond and affection grew deeper for one another, but at times it was an emotional rollercoaster, as she split with me just before Xmas the evening before we were meant to be going away together; meaning we spent the time apart from each other and distressingly in separate hotels 5 minutes away!  She would split from me when things were actually going great, but then as she rightly said, “When is it not fabulous between us?

Sadly, Fi makes snap decisions, which is something I try and advise against doing (see "The Healing Power of Sand" and "The Butterfly Effect") and more often than not, they prove to be wrong.  Partly, I think, due to the problems associated with her destructive marriage and her not used to being happy in a relationship and so at times rebels against that, as not knowing how to deal with it.  And she self-confessedly said she suffers with low self-esteem and is needy, but with me I only saw “Fi” and none of this fazed me and we all have issues.  She diagnosed me as being a narcissist, which funnily enough so did Dr Lord - well 'narcissistic traits' if I remember rightly!  Yet every time we got back together our relationship was stronger and better than before.  Equally so was her shoe collection!

We returned to each other’s arms in mid-January and saw each other for the next 10 days on the trot and it was, “AMAZING.”  She also met some of my friends when I took her to an intimate gig where my friend, the talented singer and songwriter, Jessica Sweetman, was playing; and in late February we attended my sister Camilla’s 39th birthday dinner where they instantly bonded, both agreeing that I was, “very annoying.”  She would regularly comment on how annoying I was – because she said I, “was always right” and to back this up had given me a cup for XMAS labelled, “Mr Always Right” together with a special bar of chocolate labelled ISAAC.

And when not seeing each other, we would be on the phone or text one another multiple times a day, as we love hearing each other’s voice and I love listening to her talk about her day and would try and console her when things were not going well.  Yet in the early days, I would rarely contact her on the day I was coming over, because I was always scared she would cancel me and I so much wanted to see her; I postulated, if I didn’t contact her it lessened the chance of her cancelling!  About 3pm on the day we were meeting I would receive a text from her saying, “You are being very quiet today.”  Clearly Fiona means an awful lot to me and I like to think, me to her also and she says she cares a great deal about me and her actions up until 17th March would say that was true.

At times, we would play pool at the local pub and Fiona is a fantastic pool player and thrashed me - not that I am anything great at pool, but still watching her clear up whilst I had left the black over the pocket was a sight to behold, as was her delightful glee in victory.  I found - just to be able to play pool with one's hot girlfriend, exhilarating.

But throughout the fabulous times there was an undercurrent of vulnerability and my known love for Maria was to take its toll on her.  Plus there were other negative influences – a major one was to do with her teenage son and her reactions to a problem she is not willing to deal with; plus no one it seems in her circle agreed with our relationship, as they saw her getting hurt in the longer term and that it was never going to go anywhere.

Yet the people commenting have serious relationship issues of their own and the fact Fi started to take their advice is a tragedy, as we are so happy when we are together and in my eyes when you are so happy you run with it.  And of course, by being with me it meant she had much less time for them…

Very few relationships are going to last forever and when you find real happiness you grab it, as you rarely know what is round that corner.  Life is very short and we are reminded of that on a daily basis.  Two people can enjoy each other’s company and be very happy together, but it doesn’t have to go anywhere and Fiona had been married twice in any event – yet most people don’t see things in that way.  She said it was not her dream to date someone who is in love with someone else, but I am sure it wasn’t her dream to have 2 failed marriages one of which harmed her severely.  Also relationships fail for a plethora of reasons and one of the fundamental things in any relationship is are the 2 of you genuinely happy together and we are.  I feel strongly what Fiona and I have is rare and even though not my soul mate – it is a very important relationship for both of us. We empower each other and she said to me that it felt she had started a new chapter in her life since we met. [She is also writing a very explicit book of her dating experiences where my chapter, as she says, may need to be a book in its own right.  One of her talents is she is an arousing and engaging writer!]

The undercurrent of vulnerability was to be triggered when I published my Valentine’s Day article, “Sex on Fire.”  This was to hurt Fiona terribly and even though I don’t regret publishing the article per se - I would never want to hurt Fi.  Then the news that Maria herself had actually been in contact with me – something which she (and everyone else bar me) were stunned and never thought was going to happen - did not help matters.  However, I told Maria that I was seeing someone else in my communications with her and I did that to show Fiona just how important she is to me.

Fiona and I came close to splitting that day, but stayed together for my Birthday at the end of February where we spent the weekend in a suite at the Mercure Maidstone Hotel making full use of the 4 poster bed and watching complimentary hard core porn and ticking off 'special activities' on my Birthday ‘sex to do’ wish list!  She had bought me many presents including champagne chocolate truffles and a beautiful blue Polo Ralph Lauren scarf to replace the grey one, which was stolen from me a year ago whilst out clubbing in Camden.  The fact she remembered this was astounding, as I must have told her that early into our relationship. She said I would be impressed and I was.

In between making love and watching porn we met an ex work colleague of hers on my Birthday evening and my friend Ruth (see "True Love at 15000"), before continuing my Birthday celebrations with a fabulous dinner at the Horseshoes in Maidstone where, to our delight, we were given a complimentary bottle of champagne and 25% off the bill.  She also paid for a hot stone massage for us both on the Saturday and gave me swimming lessons, as shockingly I can’t swim (and she is like a torpedo in the water); and I treated her to afternoon tea as a surprise and a thank you for all the love and affection she was showering me with.  We also played table tennis and in a return match on the day we were leaving the hotel, I managed to come back from game point down and match point down to win - overturning her victory the previous day!  Fi was not amused and I sank to my knees similar to how tennis superstar Rafael Nadal celebrates on winning a grand slam, in sheer delight at having beaten her.

We were having outrageous fun together and every-time we were together it was special, but sadly as I write this article today we are no longer seeing each other and I am very, very upset about this.  In fact, up until 1st May, which was her 53rd Birthday, I hadn’t seen her or spoken with her for about 6 weeks, as she decided to end us for good it seems and not take or return my calls or texts.  She cited that no-one thinks this is a healthy relationship and that it is toxic and I should fly to Martinique to see Maria, but I just wish she would stand up against the people who are so against us because happiness is rare and Fi thinks about me just as much as I think of her.

A relationship where both parties are genuinely very happy is a rarity in life, as most manufacture their feelings and relationships (see "Let’s Face the Music and Dance" and "The Lonely Goatherd").  Our relationship may not be forever, but relationships can be stepping stones and if you are going to end it, do so when it is failing and not when it is going brilliantly; you don’t amputate a limb when it is fully functioning – you amputate it when (and if) there is a serious problem!  It was our destiny to be together at this time and why it was so fabulous from the point we met and equally being together has helped us both recover from the damage done in the past.

I totally understand that dating me may be a poisoned chalice because of my deep love for Maria and I won’t walk away from this person.  She is my soul mate and just like in the hit movie Top Gun you are drilled into never leaving your wingman – in relationships you never walk away from someone that is deeply spiritually connected to you and who you are born to be with.  I know if I did that I would regret it for the rest of my life – even if that means I have to be single until that day Maria and I reunite in earnest.  Also one day I may want to have children and I couldn’t have that with Fi, but I may not be able to have children with Maria either and she effectively has a young family of 4 at the moment, which must be ageing her considerably and so it is no wonder she needs to rest in a hammock!  Having children has never been a priority for me so even though a consideration it isn’t a significant factor.

All that said, I miss Fiona from HR deeply and care about her.  She is a truly remarkable and beautiful person even though not as, “wise and clever,” as she may like to think!  (And we did have a 'heated' debate about which way up her mattress protector cover should go on her luxurious Super King Size bed!).  I think of all the terrific times we have spent together, her wonderful pet piranha which I love and had tamed (yes she has a piranha!) and which drools to my touch and must be missing me so much.  I reminisce about all the times we made sensuous love and just holding her hand and watching her infectious smile light up our path in life.  Plus my chest it seems was made for her head and I cherished bringing her tea and toast in the morning to start her day and, as crazy as it sounds, we used to have spelling contests – yes I know how ridiculous, but our relationship was very competitive!

The last time we were together was a compendium of 4 days of wonderful love making, movie seeing, dinner and cooking in mid-March.  I cooked a superb roast chicken with all the trimmings (much better than hers I am sure!) for Sunday lunch whilst she was out having coffee with her closest friend and to say thank you for being in my life.  The following morning we made love, she went to work and that was the last time we were to see and speak to each other until on her Birthday on 1st May where I trekked through woods in the rain to present her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work.  Yet despite being warmly embraced and whisking me away to a private room so we could talk, she sadly has decided to not follow up on this and it hurts terribly.

Fi, your kiss is like a beautiful rose… we’re “AMAZING!”

And if there is any moral to this story, I think it is - never lose your Rolex on a first date!

With warmth,

Love Isaac


[Also read Isaac's latest post, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014']

Sex on Fire

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

Sex on Fire cropped.jpg

Picture of a couple in a passionate embrace surrounded by flames. Pic by Amarell07

Synopsis: Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...

...Valentine’s Day can be very challenging for relationships especially if it is a relatively new relationship and you are only just finding your feet.  What do you do for your partner of the day?  Do you send him/her a card, a card and flowers or chocolates, go for dinner, go away for a steamy romantic break somewhere, share a candlelit bath together, cook a romantic meal – a combination or do nothing?  There is no easy answer to this and it can put a strain on a relationship, plus there may be fiscal constraints and or you may have other responsibilities which limit in what you can do.  Personally – and I speak from experience – doing nothing is not the option I would select.  Showing someone how you truly feel and that you care about them is an important part of a successful relationship, as is a healthy sex life, which acts as confirmation to the words and feelings.

In my first Valentine’s Day spent with angelic Modern Day Maria in 2008, which was 4 months into our special relationship (see "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?") - I unbelievably didn’t give her anything.  The reason behind this follows and I was mortified when she pulled out from under her bed that evening the present I cherish to this day.  A present which I have mentioned before (see my previous Valentine's Day article, "The Lonely Goatherd"); a card which on the front said, “RED HOT LOVER,” and inside she had covered it with her scintillating kisses in scarlet lipstick.  I felt as small as an ant that was about to be squished and had to look her embarrassingly in her longing dark eyes and say “I didn’t get you anything.” She said it was “ok,” but it wasn’t and it wasn’t ok to me in any event.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to give her anything – I wanted to do so much to show her how I really felt about her and how incredible it was just being with her, but I was frightened to do so because I thought it may result in the end of our relationship.

Shortly before Valentine’s Day we were lying in bed together.  It was early Sunday morning and my naked body was wrapped tightly around hers after a magical night of love-making and I was gently nibbling her right ear; I remember it well and I am sure - when she reads this from a heart-breaking 4000 miles away in her seemingly new abode in the Caribbean island of Martinique - she will too (please come home!).

I decided I was going to pluck up the courage and tell her how I felt even though a voice in my head told me not to do this because it would be difficult for her to know how to respond (now believed to be my guiding Angels and not that I was actually going crazy – see "I Believe in Angels" and "The Healing Power of Sand").  I remember I was very nervous about telling her and continually sensed her emotions and body language until I briefly deviated from paying attention to her lovely ear, took a deep breath and said to her, “I think I am beginning to have feelings for you.

Maria literally froze;  fear sent shivers running down her spine before exploring the rest of her naked body and then - as a sprinter on her marks - she bolted upright, ready get out of her wrinkled warm bed into the February dewy chill and run the 100m; similar to how philosopher Friedrich(!) Nietsche ran naked through the streets shouting gibberish she may have been about to do the same.  In fact, she started to utter complete gibberish about how we should maybe cool it, start seeing each other less etc., before calming down and falling back into my caressing body.  I knew before I had revealed my inner most feelings that she was going to find this difficult, but didn’t realise she would be so frightened.  Nevertheless, I felt it was very important she knew how much I cared for her (see "The Naked Countess - Interview Exclusive").

As Valentine’s Day approached, I was torn.  I wanted to do something beautiful for her, but was afraid to show my feelings in case she panicked again so I decided to do nothing.  To not give her anything – not even a card.  Not realising that she was about to send me into confusion with her dramatic show of feelings with her enchanting gift.

Despite this lack of reciprocity on the gift side we consummated our first Valentine’s night together with incredible passion and multiple times love-making.   From the moment we met in Oct 07, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and generally within minutes of seeing each other we were kissing, touching and hastily removing each other’s’ clothes; making good geometric use of her apartment and Roche Bobois designed modular Mah Jong sofa; our passion never tired.  I am sure she’d consider us the proverbial, ‘rabbits.’

We enjoyed every moment of being together and she always spoke of how special it is between us.   The following Valentine’s Day, I was to try and make up for my complete stupidity with a compendium of heartfelt and loving presents and she responded gleefully, saying she was being, “spoilt.

It should go without saying – it is important to convey your feelings to your partner on a regular basis and not just one day a year, communicating openly and honestly.  Something, which devastatingly, Maria and I fell down on until it was too late and which ultimately brought an end to the magical relationship and then almost my life!   We never discussed our true feelings after that day even though we gave each other gifts that oozed love and affection.   I attempted to do so after she ended it on impulse in autumn 2009 and once I realised that without her I am living in complete darkness (see "Naked Fishes"), but she has never been able to discuss this openly with me.  At the time it was probably because she wasn’t ready for this and by me trying to talk about it/us - I think I pushed her away until a switch in her head clicked that said, “don’t go back with Isaac.”

Trying to disable this switch is proving incredibly hard and my monumental efforts seemingly fall on deaf ears despite her having very good hearing!  As she hasn’t picked up the phone to talk with me - the negative, out of character and ill-judged decisions she made at the time, which distressingly were to ultimately endanger my life (see "Suicide Blonde" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle") have put her on a path, which has upsettingly and unsettlingly, seen her move 4000 miles away from her close family and me to live in the Caribbean; without a sorry for all the deep pain and heartache or a Judith Chalmers, “Wish You Were Here” postcard or text (see "The Butterfly Effect...").

There is no question this is a crushing decision and likely not just for me, as she in the process splits up from her tight family unit and support network; I am sure she is missing her family intensely and just as equally - they must be missing their captivating, fun, intelligent, mesmerising loved one.  I speculate that it may be a poisoned chalice to be where she is now and I can only wish – should this be the case - she realises this quickly and returns home.  A sacrifice of this magnitude always has consequences, which, in addition, to the tears of sadness on all sides, sadly may prove highly destructive and self-destructive in the longer term.  As she forgivingly said to me when I made an enormous mistake in the relationship and unthinkably hurt her, “we all make mistakes;” and it is having the courage to stop those mistakes in its tracks once realised and reverse decisions that is incredibly important before real (and sometimes irreversible) harm is done, depending on the gravity of the mistake.  We all hurt by this decision.  Family is so important and my sisters were instrumental in fighting for my life when I was at the point of no return (see "Staying Alive").

I doubt the fabled ‘paradise’ is a destination except within our hearts.  Not a place with pure sandy beaches, idyllic scenery and weather, but being intertwined on every level with the person who you truly and have always loved.  Your one and only electric kisser and two-stepping dancing partner of past, present and future (see "Let’s Face the Music and Dance") and once with them – the sun is always shining regardless of the external climate.  But who knows - maybe Martinique will be my next holiday destination!  After all - my heritage is the Caribbean so maybe it’s time I finally visited my roots!

Being open with your feelings to your partner/ lover - even if it is difficult due to the past and expressing your love and affection for one another should be a regular thing.  It also opens things up for discussion and means any mistakes, problems or incorrect assumptions can be corrected immediately without any damage being done to the relationship.

Equally, having a healthy sex life is an imperative for a healthy relationship.  As already stated, spirited Modern Day Maria and I enjoyed a very healthy, active and vibrant sex life.  Being sexually compatible with your partner is very important, but it seems that in today’s world of striving to work hard, social media and even the game candy crush – have a detrimental impact on people’s sex lives.  It was with surprise I was to read an article recently, which stated that the national average of couples having sex in the UK was only 4.9 times per month! (

It took me by surprise because I have a very healthy and high sex drive and love sex more than most, Maria would say.  Even at the depths of my depression as openly discussed on here, I never lost my libido.

Personally, I would have a grave problem if my partner of the day said to me, “Sorry honey, can’t come to bed just yet – playing Candy Crush!”  I don’t think they would be my partner for very long!  And honestly, these seem excuses for what maybe a tired relationship where the initial passion has gone and you are just going through the motions.   If that is the case then maybe you shouldn’t be with that person anymore; relationships can just be stepping stones for something more fulfilling further down the line or a much needed companionship, which helps support you both at a very important time in your lives or casual fun etc.

But regardless, sex plays a very important role and if you are planning on staying together and are not having sex (or not having it as often as you would like), then you need to make the time to reignite the passion otherwise it will only breed stress and tension and bring the relationship closer to finale.  If you are not being touched, kissed, erotically fondled, having your clothes metaphorically (or indeed literally) torn off, made to feel wanted etc – you feel unloved and alone even if your partner is lying right next to you.

About 9 years ago, I was in a relationship like that and it was very stressful.  I would make excuses so as not to come to bed because I was very frustrated at lying next to her and not being able to touch her or make love to her.  I also have a strict no clothes policy in bed and she never went to bed naked!   That relationship ended after 5 months even though we stayed close friends for years later, but unhappily that friendship came to end the day Maria ended our nightmare in May 2011.

I am pretty high maintenance when it comes to sex and what is my fetish is not necessarily yours, but you do need to be sexually compatible with the person you are seeing.  And if you or your partner are lacking in intimacy – remind yourselves that sex brings lots of health benefits as well as bringing you/ keeping you closer together.

Darling, I have a headache,” should be a voice of the past and definitely not a reason not to have sex! In fact, sex is actually great at getting rid of a headache.  It is true!  Having an orgasm releases endorphins that closely resemble morphine and so acts as a pain reliever.  This will work regardless whether you have a headache, toothache, backache etc (source:  For a similar reason, regular intimacy also boosts the immune systems, which helps fight off coughs and colds and can also prevent depression or reduce its symptoms.  I can’t remember Modern Day Maria and I being ill during the time we dated except after her Okra dish kissmarkX.

Sex is also a fabulous stress reliever, at lowering blood pressure and helping keep your heart healthy.  You will receive comments from friends, family and passers-by about how radiant and HOT you are looking, as you unwittingly glow to the outside world and look 10 years younger.  Regular wonderful sex makes you feel great, boosting self-esteem and happiness levels and sex first thing in the morning (which I absolutely adore – even though I am not going to quibble regardless of time) sets your mood for the day.  Orgasms cause a surge in the hormones oxytocin and prolactin, which calms you down, aids in relaxation and having a good night’s sleep, which again is important for preventing/ relieving stress and ailments (source: and ).  Also by lowering your stress and tension levels and being happier and more confident, you are able to think more clearly, which enhances your decision making process leading to more positivity in your life.

Bring him/her tea and toast in bed in the morning, as another sign of your appreciation for your partner (making sure not to get crumbs in bed!) and then make love.  A fabulous, gorgeous, ‘very wise and clever’ girlfriend of mine who oozes sex appeal says, ‘tea followed by sex does it for her in the morning.’  Experiment with positions and fetishes; wear sexy clothing, incorporate food and maybe even an ice cube whilst indulging in oral sex.  Give your partner sensuous massages (take turns).  Have sex in risqué places… Watch porn together.  Basically anything that you think will spice up the relationship to get you both interested in each other’s bodies again.   Tie them up (consensually), or use a blind fold to enhance the erotic mood and sensations (Modern Day Maria gave me a kinky pink blindfold as a present!).

Further, great sex is fab for burning off calories and keeping in shape.  Even though estimates vary, if you put enough effort into your passion sessions you could burn 3-5 calories per minute of intercourse (men and women) so if you can last 10 minutes and do that 5 times a day then you have just roughly burnt off the equivalent of a Mars bar or a 20 minute run!

And given that work seems to be sapping people’s energy for bedroom liaisons (even though, of course, make use of other rooms in the home too!) - maybe employers could consider giving workers a paid half day off each week so that they can spend intimate time with their partners or even have conjugal visits at work!  It will illustrate they care about their workers and the employee will be much less stressed and happier and hopefully as a result - more productive.  Maybe trial it employers!  Show your foresight!  A sexually active worker is a happy worker…

In a region in Russia, they have a day off a year just for sex to help with the birth rate and have been doing this since 2006 apparently.  Clearly a step in the right direction, but one day off a year is simply not enough.  If you have a half day off a week you can spend sensual quality time together with your partner before going to work or maybe return early and spend the afternoon and evening together, relaxing erotically in a sumptuous warm bath before ravaging each other on a bed of roses (roses optional) or the kitchen worktop.  If your employer is especially generous, you can take the months half days at once and knowing this is paid time means you have no stress about making up your earnings.  This should help spur more intimate moments during the week, boost your relationship, health and happiness and the more you have sex, generally the more you want it.

So what are you all waiting for?  Finish reading this and then get jiggy this Valentine’s Day weekend (except for you, beautiful Modern Day Maria!).

My love and support is always here for you and your family x.



[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' and "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...']

Suicide Blonde

| 2 Comments | No TrackBacks

Suicide_Blonde.jpgIllustration of "Suicide Blonde" by Chewedkandi

Synopsis: How Isaac's world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell the story...

...When I started out to write this I never realised it would be so difficult.  It goes to the heart of my feelings and how close I came to losing my life during the time when my world collapsed between Jan 2010 and May 2011.  It will equally be difficult for many to read, as it goes into detail of my despair like I haven’t before and as the title suggests talks in candid detail about this. During this time in my life I was highly suicidal.

The reason why I am writing this article now is because I was recently contacted by journalist Brian Whelan for and asked to talk about my experiences on suicide and that interview can be read by clicking on the link towards the end of this article.  Also World Suicide Awareness Day was last month and helping others who may be going through what I went through is very important to me.

Every day someone is in the midst of severe depression and sadly contemplating taking their lives and or indeed taking their lives. It can be for medical reasons or situational (such as mine) and there are always cases in the press about sadly the loss of another human being via suicide.  I suppose when I ask myself the question would I have definitively put the so called bullet through my head – the answer is unequivocally yes and indeed on 14th June 2010 I was effectively dead.

I was desperately unhappy and in a situation beyond my control and that morning I came downstairs at my family home and started to Google “suicide” having woken up in floods of tears, which was becoming an all too common occurrence.  Whilst I lay there crying I could ‘see’ myself coming downstairs in my dressing gown and Googling “suicide” and how to do it and 20 minutes later that is exactly what I was doing.  It was if I was acting out a pre-determined plan which had only come to me in that moment, but in reality was a causal chain emerging from tragic events of 26th Jan 2010 and which pressure gradually built up until implosion point and that implosion came in the way of my suicide.

Having never researched suicide prior, I knew that this would be the end of me and would signal the final moments of my life, as it would breach my final in built defence barrier – all my other defences having already been neutralised and I have been in difficult situations before, but this situation was different.

I was trapped in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from where 5 months on I still struggled to believe what was happening, as the fundamentally always enchanting and sensual relationship I shared with the person who I care for even beyond my own well-being – beautiful, kind, intelligent, deeply lovely, sexy, highly creative, Spiritually & Healing gifted and great at making Mexican Soup Maria – fell off a cliff face and sadly for reasons which are still held close to her delightful chest...kissmark

A chain of events that was to have severe and traumatic consequences and threaten our very essence and because who I believe we are to each other - True soul mates - and that can be the only reason why it has always been so special between us from the receipt of her breath-taking emails in Oct 2007 in response to my ‘risqué’ dating ad (see "The Lonely Goatherd"), where she cited we had the same kissing disease and that I was dangerous!!!, but recanted in the next sentence saying she was, just kidding! – I would always sacrifice my life to protect her, as well as our relationships’ integrity at a metaphysical and spiritual level, than to have everything we stand for as Human beings be torn apart with the tremendous generation of trauma that would bring us both.

I would be desperately unhappy for the rest of my life and in the most abysmal pain and distress and I surmise she would be in similar anguish, for we could never recover from something so damaging and our True soul mate status would be revoked for eternity… Well that is what I believed and still do.

And ultimately, despite the many reasons people tragically take their lives or contemplate doing so – I ascertain it is due to Happiness and if someone is deeply unhappy and they see no other way out of their situation then it becomes maybe the only option to end their pain and distress.

By sacrificing my life, my trail of thought went… I would have prevented a fate worse than death, as we would be able to rekindle our magic once reborn in another lifetime and would have prevented a lifetime of torment in this world.  In time she would hopefully be able to recover in the knowledge I would be at Peace and crucially I would have prevented us from going against whom we are at our core being and which defines each and every one of us and which would have instantly been mutually self-destructive.

The effect on my friends and my family, in particular my two sisters and our wonderful – now 77 year old Mother (see "A Mother’s Love") – would have been devastating, as they would have lost their only brother and son respectively, but when you are that low you only think of what you are going through (and why) and distance yourself from everything else that isn’t directly relevant.  As selfish as that may seem - and as I repeatedly told the doctors – you can’t live life for others and one’s own Happiness must ultimately prevail; and if, in my case, I knew there was no hope Maria and I could ever BE due to the events that were unfolding then I wasn’t going to live a soul destroying pain everyday knowing that I could never be Truly Happy ever again.

It is a process known as disassociation, as the mind protects itself from the terrible consequences of the actions its body is about to undertake and allows the person to commit terrible harm to themselves by removing the fear and anxiety normally associated with such trauma.   I was to talk about suicide with detailed plans of how I was going to kill myself, as if I was taking a stroll to the shops to buy my favourite ice-cream, Vanilla Haagen-Dazs.

Yet I always believed what was happening was a terrible mistake.  I spent days replaying everything in my mind about us with the depth and understanding of this most wonderful of human beings’, Maria, and our relationship to finally confirm this premise in my head.  She was always to say how always great we are together and was the only other person bar me who knew that the situation which had developed between us now had no basis…  And after a harrowing 16 months which would see me brought to my knees, the conclusion I derived at would finally be proven correct, but on this day in June 2010 my pain and distress had reached unbearable proportions and I couldn’t be alive anymore.

The counselling I had arranged via my GP (Doctor) to try and deal with this crisis was not working as I was living a lie... Nothing and no-one could save me from this turmoil and Heal my pain except for Maria herself.  She would be able to sense and feel the depths of my heartache and no doubt be in similar distress herself and I could feel that too, but maybe concealing her anguish and concerns to the outside world.

Heartbreakingly though there didn’t seem to be any salvation, as the engaging infamous butterfly flapped vigorously (see "The Butterfly Effect") and Maria seemingly had her sensuous wavy blonde locks penetrating her own hole in the sand (see "The Healing Power of Sand").  Danger loomed and I wept.

…Except Maria was to save my life that morning and despite me not being in contact with her for almost 5 months prior she reacted instinctively to my goodbye text:

Maria. I can’t go on anymore. I love you so much, but it’s time to end this. I cry every day and at least in death I can’t be hurt anymore. Please forgive me [for taking my life]. Isaac Xx

Twenty minutes later police surrounded my car, as I tried to flee to my resting place and was escorted numb into a waiting ambulance, where I promptly broke down to the caring paramedics weeping, She’s hurt me so badly…” 

Following this breakdown I was to become an inpatient at the Cygnet Psychiatric Hospital in Harrow, Middlesex – first for a period of 6 weeks and then again over XMAS time, as my family tried to get me help and was placed under the care of Medical Director and eminent psychiatrist Dr Adrian Lord.  I attended group therapy sessions some of which were run by notable counsellor, Helen Backhouse and who I can’t recommend highly enough.  But despite all this no-one was able to change my mind and I remained highly suicidal.

Tensions ran high at times between Dr Lord and me due to him being unable to make any inroads into my psyche and I steadfastly refused medication and disagreed with many of his diagnoses!  He also attempted to section me at XMAS time as my mental health went into free-fall and I returned, which was incredibly distressing.

In between stays at the Cygnet and running away (which I also did for 5 weeks after leaving in the summer, utilising my scarce resources on a lovely cottage in Carlisle, Scottish Borders to try and gather my thoughts and to give me a way out unobstructed if needed), I was to research extensively suicide and the best and most painless ways to go and left messages on suicide forums under aliases one of which is still in existence today.

I leave it there, as I am contacted by people who are suicidal and email me to see if I am still alive! I always respond and try to speak with them to see if I can help them through their troubles and get to the root cause of their issues, as having been through what they are going through – I may be able to offer them a different way of thinking and perspective that others maybe couldn’t.  Though I always stress that it is important to seek appropriate medical help, as well as tell friends and family so they know how you are feeling and can equally help and try and be supportive.

This was something I personally never did and only 2 or 3 very close friends knew of what was happening. My family didn’t know anything until that day in June when I emailed my sister Camilla apologising to her and asking her to look after mum for me moments before I left my home with the intention of never returning...

Excruciatingly, despite saving my life in June 2010 and Maria letting it known what was really happening in Oct 2010 - mimicking what I had always said and sending my mood momentarily soaring whilst in hideaway in Carlisle - the crisis that started in Jan 2010 was to continue throughout the year and magnifying the pain and despair tenfold.  In December 2010 another trigger was to send me spiralling lower from an already devastatingly low point.  I was in tears literally all the time and could barely function as a human being, staring into space and hardly able to speak and with probably only a couple of days left in me a remarkable event took place and I remember it vividly… 

A beautiful Angel with Maria’s heart-warming face illuminated me at 5.45am on 21st December 2010 and eight minutes of pure divinity and transcendence was to start my revival (see "I Believe In Angels" and "Staying Alive").  An extraordinary lifeline was handed to me by this divine spirit and I always think about that day.  It has had a profound impact on me, as of course has this entire period in my life and today, I communicate regularly with my Angels who guide and protect me, but everyone has this ability – you just need to reach out for their help and guidance.

I am living proof that however bad one may think their situation to be, there can be HOPE and in May 2011 Maria courageously recanted permanently and protected us from any further damage, which is just as I always said she would (but to which no-one would listen to me) – she just took her time doing it as the gravity of the situation had no-doubt got the better of her too!

A tragic mistake with horrendous consequences was put to bed and since, I have been able to rejuvenate my existence and indeed am writing about it to try and help others.  I can only believe my life was saved for a reason and which raison d'être I will equally keep close to my chest for now… But I do believe that when it is your time to go – you are gone regardless and no-one can save you and clearly it wasn’t my time and sometimes you have to go through deep negatives to reach a far greater positive (See "The Naked Countess - Interview Exclusive").

As I recall the tumultuous events of my journey (see "A Journey Becomes One"), it doesn’t seem like it is me I am talking about. I can see my past self doing all these macabre things with the present me looking on as an observer in a sort of out-of-body experience, but maybe that is necessary to shield me from the terrifying trauma which I experienced and which I still go through at times.  In my sessions with Dr Lord, I used to tell him that if there was a scale of 1-10 where 1 is top yourself and 10 is you are in tip-top condition then for the most part during this period I was on a 0 - 2!

And despite our disagreements I have the utmost appreciation for him.  He fought hard to save my life, as Destiny would put us together for a reason and I doubt any other psychiatrist in this country would have been as supportive or worked as tirelessly as he did to help me.  Today we regularly converse (not in a doctor – patient way!) and he even reads this blog from time to time!

All that is needed now is for Maria and I to re-engage permanently and put this very sad and extremely distressful time behind us and even though she hasn’t said so as yet, I’ve no doubts it was for Maria too, as well as our respective friends and family and I am sure there is deep regret over what transpired.

Throughout I never lost sight of how truly fabulous Maria is and always stood up for her despite the terrible suffering I was in – even if it meant my life had to end… Each and every one of us makes mistakes - even people who I suggest are meant to be entwined for the rest of their lives (see "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?") - and I am guilty of making mistakes in life just as much as the next person.

But it is important that we all take time to reflect on our actions and how they impact on others as well as our own well-being and right those errors in judgements, as soon as the mistake is realised, rather than allowing events to continue in the hope they will right themselves where generally they tend to blow up in ones face instead!

Life, after all, is very precious and should be lived to be Truly Happy, as you rarely ever know when it is your time (see "A Celebration of Life") and what is round that metaphorical corner.  By helping others and healing the pain caused from past actions we can have positive Karma (as opposed to negative Karma) and be at Peace within ourselves and the world at large…

My interview with is titled, I Survived Helium Suicideand can be read by clicking HERE and it is even more candid than this article with images that some may find disturbing, but it is ultimately a positive article and may inspire or influence some to seek help or think a different way rather than ending their existence.  Never a truer phrase was bestowed upon me by Dr Lord, Suicide is a permanent solution to what maybe a temporary problem.”

Take care everyone and please if you are reading this and in a difficult place or would just like someone to talk to, I can be contacted via the contact page on this blog and Maria I wait by the phone for when you don’t call :-)xxx.

Love you deeply…

Isaac x

Ps. Below is a list of the websites and contact numbers from the organisations mentioned in this article plus The Maytree Respite Centre for the Suicidal, where I also stayed but did not have space in this article to discuss it and the Samaritans:

The Maytree Respite Centre’s Tel: 0207 263 7070, website is

Helen Backhouse can be contacted via Cygnet Hospital, Harrow Tel: +44 (0) 208 966 7000 and the Website is

Dr Adrian Lord is now consulting psychiatrist at The Priory, Roehampton Tel: +44 (0) 20 8876 8261, website:

The Samaritans tel: 08457 90 90 90 (UK), 1850 60 90 90 (ROI) website:

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...;' "Sex on Fire", 'Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...;' "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", 'The follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x...' Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", 'The follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders;' "Scream and Shout", 'Exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!' and "Naked Fishes", 'A Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria']

heads_in_sand.jpgPicture of People With Their Heads In The Sand!

Synopsis: A functional guide to Healing the Mind, Body & Spirit of Life's Stresses & Emotional Complexities and providing a path to True Happiness & Love...

...I haven’t blogged for a little while. After my last article (see "A Naked Countess") I was mentally exhausted and in need of a break, plus inspiration had deserted me.  I am sharing my views on deep emotional and very personal issues and at times it does takes its toll on me, but on the plus side my blog has come a long way since I launched it on 24th August last year with it receiving around 10,000 visitors a month now and also realising that the person who holds my heart – the enchanting beautiful Modern Day Maria (see "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?") is one of my regular readers is simply scintillating and heart-warming.

Sadly though, this magical Maria is yet to open direct communication with me since she finally broke our chain of despair just over a year ago now, but I hope my healing words, compassion, unconditional love for her, courage and guidance will provide her with the necessary support and reassurance to enable her to make this step and hopefully sooner rather than later, as neither of us are spring chickens anymore chickx.

Open and honest communication is the only way to deal with problems, both as they arise and mistakes made in the past, in order to resolve things at the root and Heal the pain the Mind, Body and Spirit has suffered and once healed these issues are gone forever.  Dealing with things in this manner has a real and very beneficial positive, cathartic and spiritual liberation (see "The Butterfly Effect" and "Staying Alive") and can transform situations and lives and open the body’s inner doors to everything wonderful and a shot at the Heavyweight Life Title that is “True Happiness & Love.”

Alas, many people try and bury their problems and true feelings – some out of fear for not knowing how to deal with them or the unchartered waters if they do - which only results in further harm to oneself and potentially others and some tragically allow mistakes to run and run despite knowing that they have made a mistake, as the difficulty in saying sorry and putting things right becomes overwhelming in their mind, as their own insecurities and maybe a sense of failure refuse them peace of mind.  This causes damage to all parties involved and can - if not subsequently checked and corrected - have dire consequences, as the causal cycle becomes a snowball of negativity and infiltrates every part of one’s life cycle and, in turn, leading to further negativity, poor judgement and heartache.  “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” – one of the fundamental laws of physics and I believe the Universe and the very essence of Karma.

The same can be said for underlying issues that may have travelled with you throughout your life and which have never been dealt with.  In my interview with the lovely and creative, Countess Alex Zapak - she entered into highly destructive relationships as an adult due to the causal consequences of the lack of love and care from her parents as a child (See "A Mother’s Love"); She craved what she never had, which in turn led to terrible decisions with regards relationships etc, as “Love” only became synonym with pain to her.  As time progressed these feelings and trauma continued to build inside like the pressure from tectonic plates underneath an active volcano until, eventually suicidal, she sought help.  In between, to try and fend off her emotional distress, she threw herself into her work and moved abroad. This is known as distraction techniques and is sadly a practice sanctioned by many a therapist and psychiatrist; To not deal with the root cause of the pain or problems, but to ‘distract’ yourself and your emotions in belief that Time Heals. The same can be said for anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs, which they also like to dispense.

Drugs in this context simply alter one’s mind so that a person can function and take the sting off their dark emotions, but they in no way solve the problem. When I was in the depths of my depression and in the Cygnet Hospital Harrow (see “I Believe in Angels”), they wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs in order to try and change my thinking and save my life, but I continually refused.  I said to psychiatrist Dr Adrian Lord (who is now consulting psychiatrist at The Priory, Roehampton), “You tell me that taking one of those pills will make my situation go away and I will take as many as you like, but until you can tell me that I am not taking anything.”  I always knew the bigger picture and fundamental truth of the situation I was experiencing with Maria – not that it made it any better as I was in a terrible state and desperately low and highly suicidal, but taking medication to try and alter that state to me was the wrong thing to do, as if I am feeling very low then I want to know that is my true feeling and vice versa.  In addition, anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs have a list of side effects one of which includes a lack of libido and no-one was going to interfere with that either!

The thought that Time heals, as does having ones head in a sand pit (The Ostrich Technique) are misnomers.  Time doesn’t heal, but what it does allow is space for reflection of one’s actions and events. However, Time also allows you to put distance between the trauma and your true feelings. The first part is healthy, but if you don’t act on those reflections in order to resolve the issues/ mistakes then at some point there will be a trigger and all those buried emotions will break riot through your body causing widespread internal and mental flames of despair, just as a volcano erupts so will the truth inside of youthunder.  In the interim you may feel dissatisfied, unhappy, lonely, hopelessness, emptiness and depressed etc. All these negative influences will impact on decisions you make in life whether it be work or in your love life etc and even though you may not be able to see it at the time (because your head is in a hole made of sand) when you finally surface, the consequences of ignoring the issues will be plain and heart breaking and bring you further to the implosion point.

It is very easy when faced with a difficult situation or a perceived difficult situation to not deal with the issues and fall into The Ostrich Technique trap.  It may work for Ostriches and even the odd confused Giraffe (crazy I know!), but for us Human’s that is a recipe for disaster and will only prevent us from living an exultant and fulfilling life and experiencing the dream of True Love and Happiness, as well as maybe the other parties involved. You should never try and mask your real feelings for these reasons and if you do so you are only lying to yourself and prepping for a lifetime of heartache.

These are “” top tips for Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit and avoiding the pitfalls of The Ostrich Technique:

  1. Always deal with a problem at the root cause wherever possible; Seek help of others and medical professionals if necessary.  It is absolutely alright to feel low and unhappy, but if these feelings persist then things are not as they should be.  Problems also arise when you try to pretend otherwise and mask those true feelings; Be open and honest with your feelings and talk about them to the appropriate people and the persons concerned. Blocking out others who can help and care about you and running away from the situation is clearly a false economy.
  2. Take a step back to avoid being reactionary to the person and problem at hand and try to understand the bigger picture. In other words look deeper into the situation rather than just what can be seen at the surface and think laterally and causally. Ie If I take action A then what will be consequence B, C and D, as well as why is this happening etc (see "Wacky Races").  Once you understand the reason why a situation has arisen it can generally be solved.
  3. Try and understand the fundamental truth of the situation. People sadly do not tell the truth for a variety of reasons so being able to go beyond someone’s words to the reality is vital.  Words account for only 7 per cent of communication between humans (I learnt that whilst in the hospital hospital)! If you can see the bigger picture of any given situation (see "Steve Jobs iRIP 1955-2011" and "Hide and Seek") and understand the truth then I believe you will be able to see the causal outcome ahead of time (like predicting the future). I believe that there is only ever one outcome per situation!
  4. Always be honest and truthful with yourself and others and think of the other person’s feelings as well as your own. Hurting someone (including oneself) is never a positive; Try and put yourself in their position and understand how they are feeling and why they are reacting like they are, as well as why you are reacting like you are. If you’ve overreacted then admit it.
  5. Understand that you can’t live your life for others. As I say in my article on True Love, “The Lonely Goatherd,” most people enter into relationships for the wrong reasons (with some of those reasons as discussed in this article and blog) and then stay in those relationships well beyond their sell by date, say to try and keep the family unit together or because of fear of being single again…Your happiness must ultimately prevail and if others truly care about you then they will be happy if you are Truly Happy and explain that to them, but nothing will change intrinsically unless you confront the underlying cause of your problems, as history will repeat.
  6. Helping people in life helps you to realise True Happiness and Peace within (Karma). Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself and don’t be afraid to make a stand for something you passionately believe in even if it goes against the status quo and your peers – just as I did - as long as you can justify your decision rationally! Just because the majority of people think one thing – that doesn’t make them right!
  7. Saying sorry when you have made a mistake is an absolute MUST and don’t allow problems/mistakes to run. The calming and Healing power of a sincere apology for all parties is priceless and spiritually cathartic; Stopping mistakes immediately once you realise your error will prevent a causal nexus of heartache and pain; and saying Sorry even if you don’t think you are at fault is sometimes the way forward if it will help bring about everlasting harmony x. If you dig a hole, to get out of it don’t keep digging and eat some humble pie!
  8. Taking a break from the situation – say going on a trip somewhere calm etc - can help you see things in a different perspective and more clearly. This is not a distraction technique, but giving you time to breathe and gather your thoughts before you deal with the situation at hand.
  9. Allow the Universe and your Guardian Angel to guide you. I believe the Universe is always talking to you - you just need to listen. Lorna Byrne, an Irish author who I have quoted previously and who can uniquely see and communicate with Angels just as we do with each other says, “Your Guardian Angel is always there you just need to reach out and ask for their help.” (See "I Believe In Angels", "A Mother's Love", "A Celebration of Life" and "Staying Alive")
  10. Finally, use Common Sensea concept which many seem alien to!!

Always remember that you are Truly Loved by Higher Energies and whilst sand is great for building temporary castles with your children and the sensation of it running through your toes is delightful, its cognitive healing powers of Life’s complexities and stresses are limited and not just in proportion to the size or depth of the hole your head is in!

So leave the sand calisthenics to our flightless feathered friends and have a reflective day heart.

Love Isaac


[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy," and "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"]

Alex Zapak Naked on Bed.jpgPerformance Artist Countess Alex Zapak Laid Bare

Synopsis: The journey of Alex Zapak to get where she is today and the emotional heartache she has faced...

Introduction and Foreword

...In December last year I was kindly invited to the premier of “FaIRy TAil PuNK” by PR and long-time Facebook friend, Julius Just of Just Associates starring performer Alex Zapak. Being it was near XMAS and even though I didn’t have the foggiest of what I was actually being invited to, as I had never heard of Alex Zapak – the prospect of free alcohol always tempted me and so of course I attended.  The stage was at the London Print Studios on the Harrow Road.

It was a surreal experience just walking through the door and after a few minutes of trying to acclimatise to my new surroundings I almost turned around and left.  This was not a performance in the theatrical or cinema sense where the audience sit in orderly rows of seats.  No I walked into a room with people strewn on Tracey Eminesque style half made up beds complete with blankets and pillows as well as more bodies scrunched across the floor.  As I was to discover this was all part of the ‘experience’ and we – the crowd – were to be filmed as part of the show and this “the set,” as I was to discover, was meant to replicate Alex’s bedroom at home!  Then, as if a sign that I should stay, from a side entrance I witnessed a slender, attractive brunette who was clearly naked and being wrapped in what looked like Clingfilm!  Either I was about to witness some weird cult offering to the Bernard Matthews ready basted Gods or I was to be seduced by the impressionist charms of this woman. Either way it was going to be an “experience” and worth staying around to find out exactly of what type!

This was the lovely Alex Zapak or as she affectionately calls herself, “Countess” Alex Zapak and she would continue her journey to the stage hoisted aloft on a white cross naked apart from the food preservative wrap she sported.  For those who have not heard of her – like myself at that time - I would wholly recommend you Google her after reading this article and watch some of her performances on YouTube and read some of her press.  She is someone who has gone through the avalanches of life as many of us do (see ”How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?”, “Steve Jobs IRIP 1955-2011”, ”I Believe In Angels”, ”Staying Alive”), but fortunately has survived to tell the tale in a very unique and eclectic way and, as I was to discover, has been described as, “The Femme Fatal of the Underground,” by Rolling Stone Magazine and actress Rachel Weisz said of her, “I have never seen anything like it. The best performer I have ever seen.”

Her show lasted for about 40 minutes – not all naked I have you mind, as she donned a sexy backless beige dress during her first montage, but I still stayed.  Her songs and performance were about Love, Loss, Heartache, Tragedy, Death, Passion, Dreams, Twilight (her horse – not the film genre!) and concurrently Life and even though I didn’t necessarily understand everything she was trying to portray it still resonated with me; I believed there to be a powerful undercurrent for baring her soul to this world and I was eager to know more and to see if her story would fit in with the remit I have for my blog so I asked for this interview and it was granted. What follows is a synopsis of a 4 hour long very open and honest interview I had with her and my first ever interview…


The Interview...

...Through the course of the evening, I found Alex Zapak to be a charming, intelligent, beautiful, philosophical, bodacious and clearly a highly creative individual - even though that last quality was a given after the performance I had witnessed a month before. It was also clear we both had suffered through our lives and at points experienced deep depressions even though for differing reasons, but still conjoined under the umbrella that is LOVE.  In many respects, her journey was driven by a passion to discover True Love and to be Loved Unconditionally, sadly never experiencing it as a child or through her adult years. Her life due to this has been a causal nexus of heartache peppered with highs along the way and this clearly emanates from her impassioned performances.  Declining to tell me her age except as, “A wolf in full bloom,” she was neglected as a child by the very people we all place our utmost trust in – our parents.  Love was something she knew very little of and so, as she grew older her natural distrust in human beings made it impossible for her to love anybody yet alone herself.  In the interview she tragically cites, “I hated myself with a nuclear fierceness.”  She didn’t have an identity, her self-esteem was pretty much non-existent and she blamed herself for not being loved, as many people who are emotional victims do because they are told it is their fault when of course nothing could be further from the truth.

The emotional disparaging relationship with her family took its toll and led to her feeling worthless and lost.  Like a pretty butterfly that has had its wings clipped before it has even gained its pilot license or a beautiful eight year old girl who is in darkness due to the lack of unconditional love from the people that brought her into this world; that in a desperate attempt to Heal her solitude she covers herself in plasters in the upbeat, but ultimately mistaken belief, that these magical Healing Elastoplast’s will provide her with comfort and solace and keep her safe. A HUGE cry for help that devastatingly was never heeded by the parents that be…:-(x.

As discussed in previous articles including, “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?”, “I Believe in Angels”, “The Lonely Goatherd” and “A Mother’s Love”, if a child is not subject to the care, love and attention that should be ingrained in every parents genetic code then it will most likely lead to difficult and more than likely - shattering consequences - down the causal line, especially when it comes to loving others and relationships.  As I continued to ply Alex with red wine and chocolate rice crackers as we moved deeper into her life, she candidly told me that, as she entered her teens and subsequent adult years she became, “Greedy for love.” She was desperate for what she never had and so she entered "highly destructive" romantic relationships in a misguided belief because someone says they “love” you it doesn’t actually mean they do!  “Love is the Agitator,” (see “A Mother’s Love“).

Guided by her experiences, estranged from her family and wanting to make her mark on the world, in 1997 Alex launched her first album about falling in love with all the things that are bad for you and the causal consequences they lead too. It was poignantly titled, “My First Suicide" and candidly expresses her emotions to the point of the said title and she produced and self-financed it by working as a "tragically bad" burlesque dancer! But even in times of great distress it can inspire some to great achievements and Melody Maker said of it, “Unique, brilliant…thrills as much as it chills.”  However, using distraction techniques to get by and through the day is, I believe, just storing up further trouble down the line as you don't deal with the root cause of your situation/ depression - instead you are displacing it in the hope it can be forgotten.  And even though you can sustain this for maybe several years, at some point it will catch up with you and this was to happen in Alex's case (see “Staying Alive“).

During the "sustaining" years things went relatively well professionally for Alex...She didn't have much money despite her family being wealthy, but as she says, “It’s all great coming from money but it is only equivalent to how much LOVE was exercised as a verb.'”  In 2003, impressively Alex was handed UK Designer Magazine's "Woman of the Year" Award beating PINK and Kate Moss into 2nd and 3rd place respectively; and then in 2004 she divorced her husband and moved to New York City, USA and found relative accord with her art band project, “Countess and The CRR (Can’t Understand Normal Thinking, Rock Revolution) which played to packed houses and rave reviews in downtown New York.  The shows produced and art directed by Alex Zapak, showcased radical and exciting transformations of image and sound from week to week to challenge perception and thinking and her reputation flourished to the point that she was crowned, "Queen of the Underground," by social diarist Patrick McMullen.  As she says, “Life is a massive animal farm,” where society dictates your actions and behavioural patterns and only by breaking that Matrix (1999) style enforcement can one be true to who they are and potentially be FREE and Truly HAPPY. 

Yet despite this success and being thought of by some, as one of the inspirations for Lady Ga Ga, she still continued to live in relative poverty in between a Sex Shop and a Fortune Tellers’, as being a creative she was never very good with the business side of things! She considers the positivity about being poor is that it forces you to be very ‘disciplined’ and provides one a perspective as an artist.

Irish author Lorna Bryne, writer of “Angels in My Hair” and “A Message of Hope From The Angels” makes this observation, “Many of us place too much importance on money and material things. Having some money is of course important but the Angels keep telling me to remind you that when you die you can bring no money or material things to Heaven with you. What you do bring with you are your memories and all the love you felt on this earth.”

She continued her life in New York which she loves and in 2009, Alex emerged with "FaIRy TAiL PuNK" which brought together a montage of her past and played to a sold out New York audience on its debut. She was even described as a visionary by certain quarters of the art elite. However, troubled times lay round the corner, as by never really confronting the root cause of her emotions and trauma from her childhood years and then into her teens and adult etc, she was effectively arming a ticking time bomb waiting for its detonation moment (see “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?“ and “Staying Alive“). Also by getting away to New York, she was in my opinion effectively running away from her problems at home and again not dealing with them.

The trigger turned out to be deportation from the USA to England last year for overstaying her visa’s welcome and she crashed harder than ever.  Not only does Alex say she doesn’t like the UK – most likely due to hidden memories of her childhood being brought to the fore (oh and the weather!rain), this time she was forced to relive them in detail, as she had nowhere to go except back to her family home where it all began.  Seen as a failure by her parents - she literally went to bed for a month and couldn't stop crying.  This was Alex hitting rock bottom - just like I had done in Dec 2010 when I too couldn’t stop crying and a beautiful glowing Angel with the face of the delightful, intelligent (even though contrary to her belief - not so great at problem solving (in my humble opinionkissmark!)), furniture re-arranging expert and talented at making delicious Mexican soup, Modern Day Maria - came to my rescue and breathed life back into my soul (see “I believe In Angels“). In Alex’s case she was guided out of the darkness by being encouraged to attend therapy sessions for abused women by a “lovely lady” angel who started visiting her and in hindsight, as she now realised, she was a said victim.  This allowed her to finally begin to talk openly about her deep rooted trauma and to understand why she felt this way and finally to start neutralising - in part at least - the pain and anguish she has been facing all her life.

As I try and point out in my articles and in my opinion – solving a problem at the root cause is the only way to diffuse correctly the pain and heartache so that it can never come back and haunt you…Bottle them up and this is what can happen and most likely – again in my opinion – will happen depending on the severity of the underlying traumatic cause. Sometimes though the only way back is to hit rock bottom in order to rebuild afresh with hope and sanity aries:-)x.  And even though Alex is unlikely to be able to solve this at the root cause she is at least now dealing with the very emotions she has put off for so long, which will hopefully help her lead a far more fulfilling and stable journey through the rest of her life. Of course there will still be speed bumps in the path to causal discovery but generally smaller and more manageable (see "Wacky Races").

Alex is now back to her creative and talented self - maybe even more so than before her breakdown if this is possible - and finally found what may be her first real love who, as I pointed out, she would not have met had she not been deported and been through her "weepy" depression (as she calls it). This is hot on the heels of her successful and highly acclaimed launch of FaIRy TAiL Punk in London – the telling of her life story in episodic parts using moving images, music, poetry, story-telling and singing (with a bit of nudity thrown in).

Alex says, “Everybody’s car journey is different. Everybody sees different scenery on the way. A really important way to connect as Human Beings is to narrate what that car journey is like.

In that respect, my journey has led me to believe everything is Destiny and that the Universe sometimes makes you play a hard game before you can fulfil your ultimate desires. In both mine and Alex's case (and I am sure pretty much most you reading this) that desire is to be Truly Happy and personally, I am not happy or at Peace and won’t be until I am invited round by the wonderful Maria for another bowl of her heart-warming and scrumptious Mexican soup sun:-)x, but I trust this is just a matter of time just as I wholeheartedly trust her.  Dreams are there to be fulfilled and if life happens to give you a tough time try and take a step back and think well maybe this is meant to happen – this is part of my car journey - and if I can just hold on and navigate my way out to the other side, maybe True Happiness is just time pending.  Today I always look for the causal connections between events in my life, as I can see why things happened throughout my past and continue to try and put the pieces together of this highly complex jigsaw in order to predict the future outcomes.

Being True to who you are as a Human Being, is a very important piece in the jigsaw that makes up True Happiness, as is being Truly Loved. As Alex says, “Happiness is MASSIVE,” and it is so important to, “Sing your own Song;” And that is something which bravely she has always done and “A FaIRyTAiL PuNK” is an inspiring modernistic fairy tale of her life.

Have a wonderful day and Celebrate Your life :-)


Ps. For more information on Alex Zapak contact her PR Julius Just at Just Associates, Tel: 08453885814, Email:

For more information on FairyTail Punk, click (Warning: This website contains strong language and nudity)

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy,"  "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"  Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games and, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love x]

Staying Alive

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

canadian_air_show_ejection edited.jpgImage of Pilot "Staying Alive!"

Synopsis: The perils of failing to resolve penetrating issues at their root cause...

...Following on from my 40th Birthday Celebrations a month ago (see "A Celebration of Life"), this week I have another reason to celebrate as moves into the top 500k sites in the world as ranked by Alexa - the web information company which monitors traffic for websites in the world’s top 30m. It is also now in the top 5k websites for London and almost in the top 15k websites for the UK as a whole.  This is just 7 months after its launch.

Yet instead of jumping for joy at what I consider is a another milestone in the short history of my blog - just as moving into the top 1m websites in Nov 2011 was (see "Feel The Love"), I have been rather melancholy – depressed even.  This is despite the overwhelming feedback I get for my site to be extremely positive in nature and I have been told that I am helping and inspiring others, which is one of the aims of and an amazing thing.  But despite this, I still can’t shake a general form of malaise.  In fact, my mum commented to my sister Pamela that I looked really sad when I went to visit her in hospital on Monday evening, as she recovers from her spine tingling “knee replacement” surgery  (see "A Mother’s Love").

I think there are several reasons why I am feeling like this, but the major one is that the journey which led me to creating this blog is incredibly distressing and heart breaking, as the relationship between me and the beautifully special Modern Day Maria spiralled into the abyss (see "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?").  An “always great” relationship detonated because of deep rooted issues on love that have never been resolved and which brought me inches from losing my life on several occasions.  Maria intervened to save my life on one of those occasions in June 2010 and a beautiful Angel with the face of Maria on another (see "I Believe In Angels") until she finally put paid to our joint crisis in May 2011. I have never cried so much both on the inside and out and I still shed a few tears every now and again (such as this morning rain).

I think the worst thing you can do when you have experienced a deep trauma and come out of the other side is to try and pretend it never happened. In other words, to bottle it up into a ball of emotions and feelings and try to displace it to a part in your body where it will be forgotten until time reruns the Ice Age, which I suspect is what the lovely Modern Day Maria is trying to do and many people mistakenly do that.  All that does is provide you with a temporary and (very) false sense of accord, which will lead to further headaches down the road, as if you don’t deal with a problem at the root cause it will always (in my opinion) and 99.9% of the time - come back and haunt you;  Next time you may crash harder and this time there may not be an ejector seat (as in the pic above) or a beautiful Angel to save you (and Angels come in many forms!).  Sometimes of course, the root cause cannot be dealt with (say for example if the other party/parties involved are no longer with us), is a situation beyond your control or is extremely difficult to deal with due to reasons such as described in my article, "A Mother’s Love";  Or sometimes - and as described in my Valentine’s Day article on True Love, “The Lonely Goatherd” - a tremendous opportunity arises from the tragic events of the past that will allow what was not solvable before due to its deep rooted and painful nature to now be readily solvable and, in mine and Maria’s situation, all it needs is for our paths to adjoin once again and this time we will be bonded with Superglue – I know as I am buying it by the truckload in anticipation!

Yet despite everything we went through, I believe it was destiny and sometimes life throws heartrending events at us to test us and to help shape us and prepare for the next step in our evolution, which can lead to far greater positives in the future and in this case - fingers and toes crossed – our blissful reunion.  This blog may be one step in the process of that evolution and if you are reading this estranged Maria kissmark, it would be wonderful to share this experience with you and, as you will see if you click on the “My Posts” link which then categorises the articles I have written, there is a “Guest Writer’s” position which has yet to be filled!

Now I have put my thoughts down on internet paper, I have cheered myself up - at least for the now - and so with that I look forward to where this blog will lead me and us maybe/ even and if there are any companies that may be interested in sponsoring this blog then please get in contact, as I am now looking for a GLOBAL sponsor that will help take this to the next level. Maybe with my sponsorship monies I can hire a helicopter with a “” banner to circle over a certain high end furniture store in SW London to help promote my site and the LOVE it radiates sunx.

That aside, saying sorry is often described as the most difficult act in the world, as to do so it means you have to have to open up and acknowledge your mistake, dealing with those emotions and feelings that may have been buried deep in your nether regions and supposedly - depending on the gravity of that mistake - the harder it is to atone for and the longer you leave it the harder it becomes.  But once that step is taken it is cathartic for everyone involved and can heal in ways that no medicine, therapy or even Carlsberg can (if they did healing :-)). You feel better, they feel better – it is a win–win situation and the trauma lived is hopefully neutralised at the root.

Life is the most precious thing and it is tough and short enough as it is without us adding to the mix and our own unhappiness so shouldn’t we do everything we can to help others and ourselves to feel Alive and Truly Happy?



Ps. Coming soon will be my exclusive and in depth interview with performance artist and singer, ‘Countess’ Alex Zapak.

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy,"  "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"  Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love and, "The Naked Countess - Interview Inclusive"]

Wacky Races

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

Wacky Races Clip Copyright (c) Hanna Barbera 1968-69 and the Cartoon Network

Synopsis: If everybody kept their distance the world would be a much safer place...

...I am sure those of us at (and beyond) a certain age :-), will remember the sheer carnage depicted in the Hanna Barbera classic cartoon, “Wacky Races” and the devious antics of Dick Dastardly and Muttley.  The villainy duo tried to overthrow the likes of the Ant Hill Mob and Penelope Pitstop with their wicked deeds in order to win the race at any cost.

Insanely some of today’s drivers seem intent on recreating the cartoon and these characters in real life and maybe it was just me, but around the festive season it was as if I was an unwilling participant in one of these “Wacky” races.  Some drivers seemed to have lost all sense of road and safety etiquette as they risked not only the lives of others but theirs too, to seemingly win some “mythical” race.  I witnessed people dangerously driving way too close to the vehicle in front and at speed (not that tailgating at low speed is any better), cutting people up, appearing from out of junctions as if they were a bunny appearing from a hat, not indicating (but that seems to be all too common these days as is speeding) and I hope not, but suspect, drink driving too.

This level of irresponsibility is just a disaster waiting to happen for everyone involved including innocent pedestrians whose fate may be sealed by the Dick Dastardly of the modern road rage era; and on XMAS day, I was the victim of one of the copycat villainy duo who hit me from behind whilst I was stationary causing me whiplash. I have always been nervous when I see someone driving too close to me and in this instance I had no chance and nowhere to go other than into the busy North Circular Road (a busy dual carriageway in London for my international readers) at a not opportune moment.  I saw the driver’s Renault Clio getting closer and closer in my rear view mirror and remember thinking, “Ooh they are getting close” and hoping they would stop until “CRASH, BANG WALLOP!”  As it turned out, my one real driving accident would be caused by someone who works for the ambulance service and if you were to be hit by anyone - I suppose in theory - you couldn’t be hit by anyone better except this person was in shock and I was more concerned about their well-being rather than myself.  Fortunately, I should make a full recovery after physio and destiny has it that my path would cross an expert in whiplash injuries and the other side has now admitted liability, but the knock on effects from a minor incident like that are time consuming as well as depressing in the sense that I can’t do what I would normally due to injury. Plus psychologically there is an injury too and I am definitely more anxious at times now when driving.

In cartoon land you can drive into someone and even blow them up using ACME branded dynamite without remorse and magically everyone is restored to full and normal working order in the next print. In the real world people and families can lose loved ones due to the senseless driving of others.  Does anyone need reminding of the horrific motorway pile up on the M5 a month before XMAS and which was caused by tailgating and driving at speed in bad weather conditions?  Innocent parties who were keeping their distance and following the commonsensical approach to driving sadly stood no chance from the arrogance and idiocy of those behind.

This style of driving should remain on the cartoon canvas and not in the 21st Century – the fact that cars are safer and have shorter braking distances today doesn’t mean we have to put them to the test! The dangers and consequences are all too apparent and it is shocking that a tragedy like that seemingly does nothing to make drivers more aware and cautious.  My accident was minor so imagine the trauma caused to those and their families, loved ones and friends etc when it results in fatalities or serious injury.

Life has a habit of throwing a curveball at you when you least expect it, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the cause of the curveball on yourself or on others.  One of the themes of my blog is trying to change the way people think - to be able to see the bigger picture before rushing into decisions and to try and conceptualise the consequences of those actions/ decisions and their ripple effects etc before they even happen (See The Butterfly Effect).  Imagine how you would feel if you caused harm to another human being by your reckless and carefree driving, let alone the follow on consequences?

I am firmly of the belief you should treat others as you would like to be treated yourself;  To me, giving in life is all so important to one’s well-being and Karma and to give one a chance of being able to be “Truly HAPPY.”  For example, when you brighten up someone’s day – doesn’t that make you feel good too? And giving can take many forms from the transference of kind words such as complimenting someone, the giving of a long overdue apology for pain and heartache caused in the past, asking how someone is and wishing them a wonderful day, to simply a smile and making someone laugh (incidentally, in Hebrew, my name “Isaac” means gift of “laughter” except that I tend to laugh at my own jokes and sound a lot like Muttley in the process!); and what better with Valentine’s Day round the corner to open your Heart to someone very special and telling them you Truly love them and like no other heartx… Naturally, giving also applies to thinking of others safety on the roads and being considerate and thoughtful to your fellow driver.

Always try and take a step back to consider the causal effects of your actions on the parties involved and think it through to the end conclusion – if necessary break it down into steps to make this easier and this can apply to anything in life and not just driving of course.  But for example, imagine how tense someone must be feeling when they see your bonnet up their tailpipe and how dangerous that is! I utilise this way of thinking every day in my life to some degree or another depending on how important the issue is to me. By doing so it helps me find solutions to problems and importantly pre-empt problems, as well as helping achieve the outcome I desire.

The theme of using the infamous cartoon as a base for an article may seem light hearted in nature, but the message I am trying to make couldn’t be more serious so please let’s leave the wacky races to YouTube and reruns on the Cartoon Network and help make the world a safer place…

And for those who went to the ACME School of Driving please take time to revisit the Highway Code which can be downloaded for free here:


Also if you are in need of a real life fabulous driving instructor and are in or near the NW London, UK area then get in contact and I will pass on their details.

Please have a safe and beautiful day.


Isaac Xxx

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy,"  "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"  Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love, "The Naked Countess - Interview Inclusive", "Staying Alive" and "The Lonely Goatherd", Isaac Sarayiah's Valentine's Day article on True Love x]

I Believe In Angels

| 2 Comments | No TrackBacks

Person Embracing A Bright Light Above

Picture of a person embracing a bright light from above

Synopsis: Isaac's metaphysical journey over the past 12 months... The prequel article to this is, "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?"

...As we approach the end of a year, many reflect as to where they were 12 months ago and what has transpired since. To reflect upon mistakes made, wonderful times had and maybe some bad times had too.  Encompassing that is our spirituality or our religion/ beliefs and what this time of the year really means.  I am not religious, but I am spiritual and that spirituality has only been enhanced over the past 12 months as my beliefs, love and loyalties remained absolute (and still do) when faced with a tremendous challenge in my life.

As readers of this blog and indeed my Facebook wall will know I was going through a very tough time, but it was in December last year that I was at my very lowest.  I was probably functioning about 10% and in tears pretty much most of the time - I was that low.  All of this was a natural progression from a chain of events (The Butterfly Effect) that started in Jan 2010 due to what I believe was a lack of communication between myself and the person I believe wholeheartedly is my soul mate, the wonderful and beautiful modern day Maria (see prequel article, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?).  Due to the events that were transpiring, my heart and spirit had been broken and I was literally knocking on Heaven’s Gates. In other words, I was on my knees. It was a desperate situation.

Yet very positive situations can occur from deeply negative occurrences and I had always believed – due to my knowledge of the truth of the situation and the bigger picture – that this would be the case and which would ultimately result in our reunion.  I believe that if you understand the fundamentals (truth) of a situation and can see the bigger picture then you will see the only outcome that is inevitable and before it happens – like looking into the future. Yet, almost a year on since this terrible situation had started it was showing no signs of going away (in fact it was getting worse) and I was shattered and even though these beliefs remained resolute I was in so much pain and heartache that I simply didn’t want to be here anymore and my body and brain were shutting down – even my speech was becoming slurred.

But on 21st Dec 2010 – a year to the day - I was to experience something that in hindsight would mark the beginning of my revival and show me that I was being protected by higher energies.  As I say I am not religious and never really thought about Angels before as something that actually existed outside of fabled tales and the Bible of course.  However, I was this morning to witness first hand this apparition and this was to trigger a series of events that would save my life and ultimately bring me to where I am today…a much revitalised Isaac!  They say that Angels appear at a persons’ lowest point – at their time most in need - to protect and guide them and as I lay awake in bed at 5.45am, tears streaming down my face, I saw a bright light. Initially I thought that was it, as it is well documented that many who are close to dying experience a bright light and they move towards it. I thought it was now my time to go and to be honest I would have gone happily as I was desperately unhappy – I just wanted to be at Peace. But the light I was witnessing, as I seemingly moved closer towards it, proved to be emanating from the body of a beautiful Angel who had come to me with the face of Maria (I was later to research this and it is said Angels will often appear with the face of someone close to the person in need and who they trust). The Angel’s form was as is depicted in many illustrations that you will find on the web and in literature and whilst basking in her glow, I began to feel at peace and restful – all my pain was being taken away and I was being healed.

This experience lasted about 8 minutes and after that I just lay there in panic, not knowing what to do. I was alone in my sister’s flat and was unsure as to what just happened meant and was frightened…Was I actually dying? Do I call an ambulance (999)? What do I do?  I decided the best course of action was to text the person who had been in charge of my care over the Summer months, Dr Adrian Lord of the Cygnet Hospital, Harrow – a person who I had built up a rapport and level of trust with. I saw him that day and a couple of days later my family paid for me to be in hospital over this critical period so I spent XMAS and New Year in a private hospital with 2 other patients – not much of a XMAS, but it kept me alive and the food was good – not that I was eating much.

Then in May of this year, the terrible ordeal that started in Jan 2010 ended exactly how I had predicted it would – pretty much to the astonishment of everyone I think - and I was handed my life back.  I was still low, but not at those extreme levels...

To be fully recovered Maria and I need to heal each other and though we are yet to speak directly I believe we are well on that path now – a path which will hopefully see our eternal flame rekindled as we embark on a conjoined life full of excitement, happiness and sexual ecstasy :-) and together, I believe, we can do some truly wondrous things and hopefully help many.

It goes to show that if you don’t stop a mistake once realised in its tracks the ripple effects of that mistake can be truly horrendous, but at the same time tremendous positivity from the deep negative is I believe just at its beginning. This blog is now my passion and I would never have created this if it hadn’t been for those 16 months and its success has so far been stunning.  Equally I met some truly wonderful people whilst in hospital whom I would never have met if none of this had happened and one of them has a luxury apartment in Malaga, Spain where I have been recovering from time to time as their guest, which equally would never had happened.

I also believe the deep issues behind why this all happened are now solvable which would not have been possible had this situation between us not actually occurred and I had not taken the stance I did to show her just how much I truly care.

Ultimately, this experience has made me believe in destiny and that the Universe is always speaking to you and you just need to listen. It was Maria that told me about the Law of Attraction (The Secret, Rhonda Byrne) – how we can interact with the causal laws of the Universe to make things happen - and I believe in that, except after this episode in my life, I believe whatever outcome happens has already been pre-destined.  Yes of course tough times will happen and sometimes they are beyond our control and you just have to step back and trust, as Steve Jobs says, that the dots connect ultimately in a positive manner, whether that be in your life or the impacted life of others. To me now everything is written and the key to unlocking the mysteries of life and understanding those outcomes before they happen are within each and every one of us – you just need to really want it, be prepared for sacrifice and trust in who you are as a human being; To not be afraid to go against the grain and to think differently…

Finally, I would just like to thank my amazing family and friends who have showed me so much love and who worked tirelessly and sacrificed so much to protect me that equally none of this would be possible without them and which has also brought us much closer together as a family – another powerful positive x.

Life is fun again and I have my mojo back :-)x…

Merry XMAS xx

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy,"  "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"  Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love, "The Naked Countess - Interview Inclusive", "A Mother's Love", "Staying Alive", "A Celebration of Life" and "The Lonely Goatherd", Isaac Sarayiah's Valentine's Day article on True Love x]

Feel The Love

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

Kelly Rowland Perfoming on X Factor, 4th Dec 2011 copyright (c) ITV and X Factor 2011

...As of last week, broke into the top 1m websites in the world for traffic (and in the top 10,000 in London) as ranked by Alexa, having only launched in late August and a jump of over 26m places; If I can help just one person from this site then my efforts have been worthwhile so thank you to all those who have taken the time to visit my creation and continue to spread the word x.

To celebrate, join me in taking delight at the stunning Kelly Rowland’s refreshing performance on the UK version of the X Factor on Sunday night…

Having fun in life and being true to who you really are as a person and human being and your deepest of passions - in everything you do - is so important and a fundamental in being Truly Happy, as is being with your truest of loves. Kelly’s performance is engaging, inspiring and it is clear just from her body language that she was having fun on stage and thoroughly enjoying the vibe of the evening, which she herself helped create by her openness and interaction with the audience and the reaction was one of adoration. Positivity breeds positivity…

Enjoy the video.

Have a fabulous day.

be FREE be ALIVE :-)x

[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy,"  "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"  Isaac's view on the London 2012 Olympic Games, "Healing Power of Sand," Isaac's guide to Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit of Life’s stresses and emotional complexities and provide a path to True Happiness and Love, "The Naked Countess - Interview Inclusive", "Staying Alive", "A Mother's Love", "A Celebration of Life" and "The Lonely Goatherd", Isaac Sarayiah's Valentine's Day article on True Love x]

The Butterfly Effect

| No Comments | No TrackBacks


Synopsis: Isaac examines the universal law of Cause and Effect; unveiling some of his secrets on how to solve problems...

...I often believe people, companies and governments think they are autonomous to the natural law of Cause and Effect and only see the short term gains as opposed to the possible long term pain.  Sometimes decisions are made that don't even provide a short term gain as what was thought to be the right thing to have done, turns out on reflection to have been the very wrong thing to have done!  We have all heard of the fabled beautiful butterfly that flaps its wings and the ever increasing ripple effects of that causes a hurricane 1000 miles away.

In my article dated 15th August 2011 titled, “Stupid Politicians” I cite, due to the short termism by politicians when dealing with the original debt crisis in 2007/8 there is now, in my opinion, no solution to the global debt crisis at the sovereign level and that it is only a matter of time before the world effectively implodes due to the full effects of this crisis.  This process can currently be seen with rising debt yields in certain countries to unsustainable levels and falling equity and commodity prices across the globe as the contagion spreads like a virus and I believe it is now likely that a market crash is plausible (see previous post titled, Black Friday for technical argument).

On 22nd September 2011, I post the following on the blog of trader Carl Futia:

…If history repeats itself we will most likely have a strong equity market rally until mid/end of October before complete collapse in equity, commodity and bond markets etc across the world.

Hopefully, the world and the politicians and bankers who run it will learn from this debacle we are all witnessing and that a key ingredient when attempting to solve a crisis (or indeed any problem) is to always take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture and the fundamentals (truth) of a situation before acting and to try and extrapolate to the ultimate consequence of the actions you make – not just the immediate reactionary consequence. In other words think ahead and read between the lines, as very little of what is said is generally the truth and non-verbal communication makes up for 93% of all communication!  Furthermore, what this crisis amply demonstrates is that by not dealing with the root cause of a problem and instead by papering over it, as we all may have a tendency to do at times whether it be with a relationship, work or money issues etc, you never solve it and it is just storing up greater and more severe problems in the future.

Under the law of Cause and Effect, every action and decision we make has consequences and those consequences have consequences etc and every time we leave a problem unsolved it affects us in our daily lives and those ripple effects grow until at some point they may topple us just as countries are being toppled now. After all, we are all to some degree, a function of our past.

I recently went through a very tough time, but always kept my faith and belief in what the eventual outcome would be and sometimes very negative situations happen so that even more positive situations can occur.  If you can understand the fundamentals and the bigger picture of any given situation then, just like a mathematical equation, there can (I hypothesise) be only one outcome. Of course sometimes you have to take your best guess and we will always make mistakes, but generally, as long as we acknowledge and learn from them and care about and help others and our environment then we can hopefully put the errors of the past right before disaster strikes (except in this global meltdown :-)).

On that cheerful note and as there is nothing we can do about solving this crisis, have a wonderful day and some fun and if you need to Heal someone by saying sorry for a past error then why not make that call today and brighten up both your days sun.




[Also read Isaac's latest posts, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014;' "A Kiss from a Rose", 'A Champagne and Rolex Affair...; "Sex on Fire", Making you Shine for Valentine's Day; an emotional aphrodisiac and Isaac's steamiest article yet...; "A Giraffe is not just for Xmas" and "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of's Modern Day heroine, Maria; and further articles that illustrate "The Butterfly Effect" include: "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "Stupid Politicans", "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?", "Steve Jobs iRIP 1955-2011", "I Believe In Angels", "Wacky Races", "Staying Alive" and "The Naked Countess"]


OpenID accepted here Learn more about OpenID
Powered by Movable Type 5.12

Love Blogs
theSarayiahpost_banner_with_2hotspots Sponsor x Electric Kisses xx Sponsor Click to contact Isaac Sarayiah

March 2018

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

About this Archive

This page is an archive of recent entries in the Psychiatry & Psychology category.

Politics/ World/ Current Affairs is the previous category.

YouTube Inspirations is the next category.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.