A Kiss from a Rose - My Posts - theSarayiahpost.com

A Kiss from a Rose

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Fiona cropped.jpgPicture of a beautiful rose - Ms Fiona from HR

Synopsis: A Champagne and Rolex Affair...

...Valentine’s Day this year was to prove a day that is never to be forgotten; a day of both monumental developments and news and yet also of great sadness.  Shortly after the publication of my raunchy article, “Sex on Fire,” I was to hear from Modern Day Maria – directly by email all the way from Martinique!

Now I realise I spawned this blog to help bring her back into my life and I have been very open about what happened in the past between us and how that was to affect my life etc.  Yet I am uncomfortable discussing what I consider to be private conversations between her and me.  However, at the same time, I think our readership would like to know that finally after more than 4 years of waiting – she does finally get in contact and one of the things she did say was she never meant to hurt me.  It was her way of apologising for her harrowing decisions and actions of the past which brought me to the brink of my life (see "I believe in Angels" and "Suicide Blonde").  At times, Modern Day Maria will speak in riddles and even though she will stubbornly deny this – it is true and - as I have told her in the past - she has, “a complex way of thinking!”  Fortunately, I can decipher her words and actions and what she really means! (see "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?")

Naturally the effect on me from hearing from her was always going to be emotional, but I didn’t blink an eyelid when I saw her emails and it was just like we were corresponding 4 years back and the special energy between us literally jumps off the page.

I was in jubilation at having heard from her. Having waited so long and standing up for her against everyone including the eminent psychiatrist Dr Adrian Lord and my family and friends throughout the most difficult time in my life – for me to be finally proven to be right is a remarkable event.  And for all this to be happening on Valentine’s Day when she is 4000 miles away and allegedly happy with someone else is even more remarkable, but given our timeline so far I suppose when she finally did make contact it had to be something spectacular and I am sure there is a blockbuster movie with our story once we are together again!

But this was a Valentine’s Day of 2 halves and on this day, I devastatingly was to hurt someone who had become very precious to me - the person I alluded to briefly in my last article, as ‘very wise and clever.’  She is Fiona from HR (or 'HR Extraordinaire,' as she would have us believe)  and she had become an intrinsic part of my life since we met in October 2013.  We had met off a dating website and hit it off literally straight away.  Our first date was at London Bridge Station on a Thursday evening in mid-October and in between the 5 minute walk it took to get to the luxurious bar at the Hilton Hotel, London Bridge where our destiny was going to be mapped out - we were already holding hands and once in the bar, kissing and ordering champagne (her favourite tipple, as I was to find out!).  I told her about what happened to me and Maria in detail and how I felt about her and she was very understanding.  I am naturally honest and if I was to enter into a relationship with another person then it was important for that person to know everything so they could make an informed decision about whether they wanted to get involved with me.

Fiona 'HR Extraordinaire' (or Fi, as I and those closest to her affectionately call her) is - and should come as no surprise - a HR (Human Resources) professional in her early fifties. She is a beautiful, athletically toned, talented, adorable person who dresses as sexily as her incredible smile which lightens up her pale slightly freckled complexion, as if she is being blessed from above.  And just being with her, kissing her and holding her silky smooth hands with illicit coloured nail varnish was, as if a beautiful red rose was kissing my heart and helping it heal.

It was a breath of fresh air being with Fiona and I felt a deep companionship that I hadn’t felt for years and, as we became more and more intimate that evening and our kisses more and more prolonged and passionate, it was clear we really liked each other and there was something special transpiring.

Fiona was recently divorced from a 15 year marriage, which sadly had been an emotional and physically abusive relationship and she finally took the courageous decision to end things.  Of course there were times during this relationship and subsequently afterwards when she had been very depressed and suicidal and I feel so much compassion for her and her pain and I wish, in many respects, I had got to know her before so that I may have been able to help her sooner.

It takes a great deal of courage to be able to break free from a relationship like this after such a long time, as you lose all sense of identity, your self-esteem and who you really are and become a puppet for the other person in many respects.  I am so grateful that finally after such a long time of pain and heartache she came into my life.

Rapidly exploring each other’s bodies that evening, later on we spontaneously booked a room at the hotel and made love throughout the night.  I had always wanted to stay at this Hilton having discovered it many years ago when I was invited to its lavish launch party where they had the world renowned, “Blue Man Group,” perform.  Fiona suggested that I tried to haggle the exorbitant price of a double room down, which I managed to do successfully as well as getting breakfast thrown in for free.  We stayed and in the morning I made sure to pocket the luxury toiletries, the half bottle of red wine and bottles of Hilton mineral water which were waiting for us in our room on entry!

We indulged in a lovely breakfast together before Fi had to return home, as she had a man coming to fix her hot tub(!) and she was going to be late.  She had earlier lied to him on the phone saying her mother was ill and she had gone to see her.  I scolded her for lying.  But being in a rush and whilst I had gone to the lavatory - she went to check out at reception and to pay her half of the bill, but couldn’t remember my name for my portion of the bill.  All she could remember was my first name and that my second name began with ‘S’ so when I joined her at the reception Fi was blushing profusely in front of the man behind the desk and he was trying to remain professional as he fought to hide his smile for it was obvious what had occurred between us that night.

This was to be the start of the happiest time in my life for 4 years since Maria and I had parted company. It was the start of a marvellous relationship and one where we became very close and very close very quickly and I spent a lot of time at her home and met her elder son and daughter.

At the time she lived in an electronically gated 5 bedroom mansion in the picturesque village of Chislehurst fittingly called, “The Roses.”  This was her home where she shared with her 3 children even though the youngest of the 3 was at boarding school and I was to initially meet the 2 elder children.  It also transpired that on the day we met, Fiona lost her Rolex watch and couldn’t find it and so she had gone out and bought a brand new one at a cost of £6000 – as you do!  It also transpired that Fiona wasn’t joking when she told me she loved champagne and there were always bottles of fizz in her fridge ready to be opened seemingly for any occasion!

Fiona has a very high sex drive like myself and is a fantastic cook (a skill which eludes Modern Day Maria!) and desires to marry either a Spanish millionaire or hopes one day the chef James Martin will notice her.   Yet, surprisingly, this all went down very well with me!  Fi had other talents also which I was to find out throughout the course of the relationship.

When out for dinner and drinks, she shared my love of chicken and annoyingly also my starter or dessert; or she would cook for us with me trying to help, but more than likely being a hindrance.  We would make love aplenty with either a glass of champagne or wine by the bedside and just have a truly fabulous time together.  And when together, her face and body were glowing and indeed people started commenting on how radiant she was looking, which of course I was taking full credit for!

In December, she downsized and moved to Bromley, as she had to sell the mansion as part of the divorce settlement and her new home has a garden so big that it inspired my Xmas article, “A Giraffe is not just for XMAS.”  She gave me great encouragement in writing this article, as I wasn’t planning on writing anything, but sadly she has not yet taken up my advice to buy a giraffe!  Her new home may also spookily be inhabited by a poltergeist who I blame for tripping me and spilling red wine all over the carpet on the stairs, as I rushed to have a glass for her by her bedside before she came home from work one evening!  But poltergeist aside, Fiona is delighted with her new abode and I went about resetting her clocks.

The next few months our ever increasing bond and affection grew deeper for one another, but at times it was an emotional rollercoaster, as she split with me just before Xmas the evening before we were meant to be going away together; meaning we spent the time apart from each other and distressingly in separate hotels 5 minutes away!  She would split from me when things were actually going great, but then as she rightly said, “When is it not fabulous between us?

Sadly, Fi makes snap decisions, which is something I try and advise against doing (see "The Healing Power of Sand" and "The Butterfly Effect") and more often than not, they prove to be wrong.  Partly, I think, due to the problems associated with her destructive marriage and her not used to being happy in a relationship and so at times rebels against that, as not knowing how to deal with it.  And she self-confessedly said she suffers with low self-esteem and is needy, but with me I only saw “Fi” and none of this fazed me and we all have issues.  She diagnosed me as being a narcissist, which funnily enough so did Dr Lord - well 'narcissistic traits' if I remember rightly!  Yet every time we got back together our relationship was stronger and better than before.  Equally so was her shoe collection!

We returned to each other’s arms in mid-January and saw each other for the next 10 days on the trot and it was, “AMAZING.”  She also met some of my friends when I took her to an intimate gig where my friend, the talented singer and songwriter, Jessica Sweetman, was playing; and in late February we attended my sister Camilla’s 39th birthday dinner where they instantly bonded, both agreeing that I was, “very annoying.”  She would regularly comment on how annoying I was – because she said I, “was always right” and to back this up had given me a cup for XMAS labelled, “Mr Always Right” together with a special bar of chocolate labelled ISAAC.

And when not seeing each other, we would be on the phone or text one another multiple times a day, as we love hearing each other’s voice and I love listening to her talk about her day and would try and console her when things were not going well.  Yet in the early days, I would rarely contact her on the day I was coming over, because I was always scared she would cancel me and I so much wanted to see her; I postulated, if I didn’t contact her it lessened the chance of her cancelling!  About 3pm on the day we were meeting I would receive a text from her saying, “You are being very quiet today.”  Clearly Fiona means an awful lot to me and I like to think, me to her also and she says she cares a great deal about me and her actions up until 17th March would say that was true.

At times, we would play pool at the local pub and Fiona is a fantastic pool player and thrashed me - not that I am anything great at pool, but still watching her clear up whilst I had left the black over the pocket was a sight to behold, as was her delightful glee in victory.  I found - just to be able to play pool with one's hot girlfriend, exhilarating.

But throughout the fabulous times there was an undercurrent of vulnerability and my known love for Maria was to take its toll on her.  Plus there were other negative influences – a major one was to do with her teenage son and her reactions to a problem she is not willing to deal with; plus no one it seems in her circle agreed with our relationship, as they saw her getting hurt in the longer term and that it was never going to go anywhere.

Yet the people commenting have serious relationship issues of their own and the fact Fi started to take their advice is a tragedy, as we are so happy when we are together and in my eyes when you are so happy you run with it.  And of course, by being with me it meant she had much less time for them…

Very few relationships are going to last forever and when you find real happiness you grab it, as you rarely know what is round that corner.  Life is very short and we are reminded of that on a daily basis.  Two people can enjoy each other’s company and be very happy together, but it doesn’t have to go anywhere and Fiona had been married twice in any event – yet most people don’t see things in that way.  She said it was not her dream to date someone who is in love with someone else, but I am sure it wasn’t her dream to have 2 failed marriages one of which harmed her severely.  Also relationships fail for a plethora of reasons and one of the fundamental things in any relationship is are the 2 of you genuinely happy together and we are.  I feel strongly what Fiona and I have is rare and even though not my soul mate – it is a very important relationship for both of us. We empower each other and she said to me that it felt she had started a new chapter in her life since we met. [She is also writing a very explicit book of her dating experiences where my chapter, as she says, may need to be a book in its own right.  One of her talents is she is an arousing and engaging writer!]

The undercurrent of vulnerability was to be triggered when I published my Valentine’s Day article, “Sex on Fire.”  This was to hurt Fiona terribly and even though I don’t regret publishing the article per se - I would never want to hurt Fi.  Then the news that Maria herself had actually been in contact with me – something which she (and everyone else bar me) were stunned and never thought was going to happen - did not help matters.  However, I told Maria that I was seeing someone else in my communications with her and I did that to show Fiona just how important she is to me.

Fiona and I came close to splitting that day, but stayed together for my Birthday at the end of February where we spent the weekend in a suite at the Mercure Maidstone Hotel making full use of the 4 poster bed and watching complimentary hard core porn and ticking off 'special activities' on my Birthday ‘sex to do’ wish list!  She had bought me many presents including champagne chocolate truffles and a beautiful blue Polo Ralph Lauren scarf to replace the grey one, which was stolen from me a year ago whilst out clubbing in Camden.  The fact she remembered this was astounding, as I must have told her that early into our relationship. She said I would be impressed and I was.

In between making love and watching porn we met an ex work colleague of hers on my Birthday evening and my friend Ruth (see "True Love at 15000"), before continuing my Birthday celebrations with a fabulous dinner at the Horseshoes in Maidstone where, to our delight, we were given a complimentary bottle of champagne and 25% off the bill.  She also paid for a hot stone massage for us both on the Saturday and gave me swimming lessons, as shockingly I can’t swim (and she is like a torpedo in the water); and I treated her to afternoon tea as a surprise and a thank you for all the love and affection she was showering me with.  We also played table tennis and in a return match on the day we were leaving the hotel, I managed to come back from game point down and match point down to win - overturning her victory the previous day!  Fi was not amused and I sank to my knees similar to how tennis superstar Rafael Nadal celebrates on winning a grand slam, in sheer delight at having beaten her.

We were having outrageous fun together and every-time we were together it was special, but sadly as I write this article today we are no longer seeing each other and I am very, very upset about this.  In fact, up until 1st May, which was her 53rd Birthday, I hadn’t seen her or spoken with her for about 6 weeks, as she decided to end us for good it seems and not take or return my calls or texts.  She cited that no-one thinks this is a healthy relationship and that it is toxic and I should fly to Martinique to see Maria, but I just wish she would stand up against the people who are so against us because happiness is rare and Fi thinks about me just as much as I think of her.

A relationship where both parties are genuinely very happy is a rarity in life, as most manufacture their feelings and relationships (see "Let’s Face the Music and Dance" and "The Lonely Goatherd").  Our relationship may not be forever, but relationships can be stepping stones and if you are going to end it, do so when it is failing and not when it is going brilliantly; you don’t amputate a limb when it is fully functioning – you amputate it when (and if) there is a serious problem!  It was our destiny to be together at this time and why it was so fabulous from the point we met and equally being together has helped us both recover from the damage done in the past.

I totally understand that dating me may be a poisoned chalice because of my deep love for Maria and I won’t walk away from this person.  She is my soul mate and just like in the hit movie Top Gun you are drilled into never leaving your wingman – in relationships you never walk away from someone that is deeply spiritually connected to you and who you are born to be with.  I know if I did that I would regret it for the rest of my life – even if that means I have to be single until that day Maria and I reunite in earnest.  Also one day I may want to have children and I couldn’t have that with Fi, but I may not be able to have children with Maria either and she effectively has a young family of 4 at the moment, which must be ageing her considerably and so it is no wonder she needs to rest in a hammock!  Having children has never been a priority for me so even though a consideration it isn’t a significant factor.

All that said, I miss Fiona from HR deeply and care about her.  She is a truly remarkable and beautiful person even though not as, “wise and clever,” as she may like to think!  (And we did have a 'heated' debate about which way up her mattress protector cover should go on her luxurious Super King Size bed!).  I think of all the terrific times we have spent together, her wonderful pet piranha which I love and had tamed (yes she has a piranha!) and which drools to my touch and must be missing me so much.  I reminisce about all the times we made sensuous love and just holding her hand and watching her infectious smile light up our path in life.  Plus my chest it seems was made for her head and I cherished bringing her tea and toast in the morning to start her day and, as crazy as it sounds, we used to have spelling contests – yes I know how ridiculous, but our relationship was very competitive!

The last time we were together was a compendium of 4 days of wonderful love making, movie seeing, dinner and cooking in mid-March.  I cooked a superb roast chicken with all the trimmings (much better than hers I am sure!) for Sunday lunch whilst she was out having coffee with her closest friend and to say thank you for being in my life.  The following morning we made love, she went to work and that was the last time we were to see and speak to each other until on her Birthday on 1st May where I trekked through woods in the rain to present her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work.  Yet despite being warmly embraced and whisking me away to a private room so we could talk, she sadly has decided to not follow up on this and it hurts terribly.

Fi, your kiss is like a beautiful rose… we’re “AMAZING!”

And if there is any moral to this story, I think it is - never lose your Rolex on a first date!

With warmth,

Love Isaac

Xxxxxxxxx

[Also read Isaac's latest post, "One Last Sleep", 'She Died in my Arms Tonight... RIP Mum, 1st June 1935 to 13th June 2014']

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Isaac Sarayiah published on May 3, 2014 5:52 PM.

Sex on Fire was the previous entry in this blog.

One Last Sleep is the next entry in this blog.

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