Picture of People With Their Heads In The Sand!
Synopsis: A functional guide to Healing the Mind, Body & Spirit of Life's Stresses & Emotional Complexities and providing a path to True Happiness & Love...
...I haven’t blogged for a little while. After my last article (see "A Naked Countess") I was mentally exhausted and in need of a break, plus inspiration had deserted me. I am sharing my views on deep emotional and very personal issues and at times it does takes its toll on me, but on the plus side my blog has come a long way since I launched it on 24th August last year with it receiving around 10,000 visitors a month now and also realising that the person who holds my heart – the enchanting beautiful Modern Day Maria (see "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?") is one of my regular readers is simply scintillating and heart-warming.
Sadly though, this magical Maria is yet to open direct communication with me since she finally broke our chain of despair just over a year ago now, but I hope my healing words, compassion, unconditional love for her, courage and guidance will provide her with the necessary support and reassurance to enable her to make this step and hopefully sooner rather than later, as neither of us are spring chickens anymore x.
Open and honest communication is the only way to deal with problems, both as they arise and mistakes made in the past, in order to resolve things at the root and Heal the pain the Mind, Body and Spirit has suffered and once healed these issues are gone forever. Dealing with things in this manner has a real and very beneficial positive, cathartic and spiritual liberation (see "The Butterfly Effect" and "Staying Alive") and can transform situations and lives and open the body’s inner doors to everything wonderful and a shot at the Heavyweight Life Title that is “True Happiness & Love.”
Alas, many people try and bury their problems and true feelings – some out of fear for not knowing how to deal with them or the unchartered waters if they do - which only results in further harm to oneself and potentially others and some tragically allow mistakes to run and run despite knowing that they have made a mistake, as the difficulty in saying sorry and putting things right becomes overwhelming in their mind, as their own insecurities and maybe a sense of failure refuse them peace of mind. This causes damage to all parties involved and can - if not subsequently checked and corrected - have dire consequences, as the causal cycle becomes a snowball of negativity and infiltrates every part of one’s life cycle and, in turn, leading to further negativity, poor judgement and heartache. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” – one of the fundamental laws of physics and I believe the Universe and the very essence of Karma.
The same can be said for underlying issues that may have travelled with you throughout your life and which have never been dealt with. In my interview with the lovely and creative, Countess Alex Zapak - she entered into highly destructive relationships as an adult due to the causal consequences of the lack of love and care from her parents as a child (See "A Mother’s Love"); She craved what she never had, which in turn led to terrible decisions with regards relationships etc, as “Love” only became synonym with pain to her. As time progressed these feelings and trauma continued to build inside like the pressure from tectonic plates underneath an active volcano until, eventually suicidal, she sought help. In between, to try and fend off her emotional distress, she threw herself into her work and moved abroad. This is known as distraction techniques and is sadly a practice sanctioned by many a therapist and psychiatrist; To not deal with the root cause of the pain or problems, but to ‘distract’ yourself and your emotions in belief that Time Heals. The same can be said for anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs, which they also like to dispense.
Drugs in this context simply alter one’s mind so that a person can function and take the sting off their dark emotions, but they in no way solve the problem. When I was in the depths of my depression and in the Cygnet Hospital Harrow (see “I Believe in Angels”), they wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs in order to try and change my thinking and save my life, but I continually refused. I said to psychiatrist Dr Adrian Lord (who is now consulting psychiatrist at The Priory, Roehampton), “You tell me that taking one of those pills will make my situation go away and I will take as many as you like, but until you can tell me that I am not taking anything.” I always knew the bigger picture and fundamental truth of the situation I was experiencing with Maria – not that it made it any better as I was in a terrible state and desperately low and highly suicidal, but taking medication to try and alter that state to me was the wrong thing to do, as if I am feeling very low then I want to know that is my true feeling and vice versa. In addition, anti-depressants and anti-psychotic drugs have a list of side effects one of which includes a lack of libido and no-one was going to interfere with that either!
The thought that Time heals, as does having ones head in a sand pit (The Ostrich Technique) are misnomers. Time doesn’t heal, but what it does allow is space for reflection of one’s actions and events. However, Time also allows you to put distance between the trauma and your true feelings. The first part is healthy, but if you don’t act on those reflections in order to resolve the issues/ mistakes then at some point there will be a trigger and all those buried emotions will break riot through your body causing widespread internal and mental flames of despair, just as a volcano erupts so will the truth inside of you. In the interim you may feel dissatisfied, unhappy, lonely, hopelessness, emptiness and depressed etc. All these negative influences will impact on decisions you make in life whether it be work or in your love life etc and even though you may not be able to see it at the time (because your head is in a hole made of sand) when you finally surface, the consequences of ignoring the issues will be plain and heart breaking and bring you further to the implosion point.
It is very easy when faced with a difficult situation or a perceived difficult situation to not deal with the issues and fall into The Ostrich Technique trap. It may work for Ostriches and even the odd confused Giraffe (crazy I know!), but for us Human’s that is a recipe for disaster and will only prevent us from living an exultant and fulfilling life and experiencing the dream of True Love and Happiness, as well as maybe the other parties involved. You should never try and mask your real feelings for these reasons and if you do so you are only lying to yourself and prepping for a lifetime of heartache.
These are “theSarayiahpost.com” top tips for Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit and avoiding the pitfalls of The Ostrich Technique:
- Always deal with a problem at the root cause wherever possible; Seek help of others and medical professionals if necessary. It is absolutely alright to feel low and unhappy, but if these feelings persist then things are not as they should be. Problems also arise when you try to pretend otherwise and mask those true feelings; Be open and honest with your feelings and talk about them to the appropriate people and the persons concerned. Blocking out others who can help and care about you and running away from the situation is clearly a false economy.
- Take a step back to avoid being reactionary to the person and problem at hand and try to understand the bigger picture. In other words look deeper into the situation rather than just what can be seen at the surface and think laterally and causally. Ie If I take action A then what will be consequence B, C and D, as well as why is this happening etc (see "Wacky Races"). Once you understand the reason why a situation has arisen it can generally be solved.
- Try and understand the fundamental truth of the situation. People sadly do not tell the truth for a variety of reasons so being able to go beyond someone’s words to the reality is vital. Words account for only 7 per cent of communication between humans (I learnt that whilst in the hospital )! If you can see the bigger picture of any given situation (see "Steve Jobs iRIP 1955-2011" and "Hide and Seek") and understand the truth then I believe you will be able to see the causal outcome ahead of time (like predicting the future). I believe that there is only ever one outcome per situation!
- Always be honest and truthful with yourself and others and think of the other person’s feelings as well as your own. Hurting someone (including oneself) is never a positive; Try and put yourself in their position and understand how they are feeling and why they are reacting like they are, as well as why you are reacting like you are. If you’ve overreacted then admit it.
- Understand that you can’t live your life for others. As I say in my article on True Love, “The Lonely Goatherd,” most people enter into relationships for the wrong reasons (with some of those reasons as discussed in this article and blog) and then stay in those relationships well beyond their sell by date, say to try and keep the family unit together or because of fear of being single again…Your happiness must ultimately prevail and if others truly care about you then they will be happy if you are Truly Happy and explain that to them, but nothing will change intrinsically unless you confront the underlying cause of your problems, as history will repeat.
- Helping people in life helps you to realise True Happiness and Peace within (Karma). Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself and don’t be afraid to make a stand for something you passionately believe in even if it goes against the status quo and your peers – just as I did - as long as you can justify your decision rationally! Just because the majority of people think one thing – that doesn’t make them right!
- Saying sorry when you have made a mistake is an absolute MUST and don’t allow problems/mistakes to run. The calming and Healing power of a sincere apology for all parties is priceless and spiritually cathartic; Stopping mistakes immediately once you realise your error will prevent a causal nexus of heartache and pain; and saying Sorry even if you don’t think you are at fault is sometimes the way forward if it will help bring about everlasting harmony x. If you dig a hole, to get out of it don’t keep digging and eat some humble pie!
- Taking a break from the situation – say going on a trip somewhere calm etc - can help you see things in a different perspective and more clearly. This is not a distraction technique, but giving you time to breathe and gather your thoughts before you deal with the situation at hand.
- Allow the Universe and your Guardian Angel to guide you. I believe the Universe is always talking to you - you just need to listen. Lorna Byrne, an Irish author who I have quoted previously and who can uniquely see and communicate with Angels just as we do with each other says, “Your Guardian Angel is always there you just need to reach out and ask for their help.” (See "I Believe In Angels", "A Mother's Love", "A Celebration of Life" and "Staying Alive")
- Finally, use Common Sense – a concept which many seem alien to!!
Always remember that you are Truly Loved by Higher Energies and whilst sand is great for building temporary castles with your children and the sensation of it running through your toes is delightful, its cognitive healing powers of Life’s complexities and stresses are limited and not just in proportion to the size or depth of the hole your head is in!
So leave the sand calisthenics to our flightless feathered friends and have a reflective day .
[Also read Isaac's latest post, "The Bobby Ewing Shuffle", the follow up to “True Love at 15000,” an article stirred with beautiful love, showers, dreams and Dallas x... Other relevant articles include: "True Love at 15000", an article about 'coming of age,' wisdom, dreams and, of course, True Love...; "Let's Face the Music and Dance", the follow up to, "The Lonely Goatherd," and an insightful look at relationships and the lessons to be learned from our elders; "Scream and Shout", exploring Love at Xmas Time... Let it ALL OUT!; "Naked Fishes", a Birthday celebration of theSarayiahpost.com's Modern Day heroine, Maria; "Suicide Blonde", an unbridled account of how Isaac’s world collapsed and why he is still alive today to tell his story; "A Journey Becomes One", an article full of Heart & Love as Isaac Sarayiah Celebrates becoming a "Little Daddy," and "Land of Hope and Glory - The London 2012 Games"]